Satisfaction [NCT]

49.

"How do you feel about coffee?"

"Coffee? I like it, it's nice."

"Okay, let's go to a café first before the gardens." Taeyong suggested.

"That's good with me." Jaehyun nodded. They continued to walk along the street in a slightly busy town. They had already checked into their hotel, dropping their extra clothes off.

Taeyong truly didn't know where the nearest café was, he was just walking around hoping to find one. It didn't seem like Jaehyun minded, he seemed to be having fun. Although most of their conversations were just small talk, it felt nice.

In the car, Taeyong had his music playing which helped to overcome the silence between them. Now that they are walking, it felt more awkward. They didn't have much to talk about, they don't know each other well enough. That's the downside of going on a trip so early into their friendship. Maybe this was a bad idea...

Jaehyun could tell Taeyong was a little nervous so to calm him down he started asking questions. "What kind of coffee do you like?"

"I like most coffee, I can drink black coffee but it's not my favorite, I like sweeter drinks usually. I think today I'll get an americano."

"Ooh yeah, that sounds good, I will too."

"Do you want me to order for you? I don't want to make you stress out trying to order." Taeyong offered, immediately making Jaehyun nod.

"Yes please, I'll pay."

"Deal."

After getting their drinks they sat inside in the warm building. The hot coffee felt nice to drink, and the café was lively.

"Must be a popular time to get coffee." Taeyong joked, making Jaehyun smile.

A simple, yet big gesture of how their trip is going. Taeyong was glad that Jaehyun was happy. That was one of his main goals for this trip, and so far, he's been succeeding. Of course he wanted to learn more about Jaehyun and his life before they met, but he knows that he will get plenty of time to do that. Jaehyun should feel comfortable with Taeyong before they dive too deep. Nothing would be worse than accidentally pushing him away.

———

Mark spent most of the next day in his head. He responded when spoken to, but almost never started conversations. He was too busy. Overwhelmed with wanting to figure out what he truly cares about, he was left contemplating decisions all day.

His search history today was going wild. He has been looking up stories from people who are religious and how they have accepted homosexuals into their life. Some of the stories he read were about people who still say they are Christian but are gay themselves. He wanted to learn how it all works for them. It's not like he could just turn off the religious side of the brain whenever he wants. He wants the two sides of his brain to coexist, not fight.

He began to look into if people in gay relationship think they would still go to heaven and the answer saddened him. Through the stories that they have wrote, it sounds like each one of them chose one or the other. They couldn't choose both like Haechan had believed.

His next focus was to try to figure out how much he cares about heaven. Every piece of him wants to support Haechan and whoever he ends up being with, but at the same time, Mark has devoted himself to being religious. He has already made it this far. Believing in God is something he truly cares about. He wouldn't want to just give that up...

But he knows he can't lose Haechan again.

No matter how much he doesn't want to believe it, Haechan has become a piece of him. Without Haechan in his life, Mark could never be full. The boys have grown up together. Losing Haechan would be like losing a brother. Mark loves him. He loves him more than he loves himself.