Satisfaction [NCT]

35.

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(trigger warning, depression/suicide)
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Somehow, Ms. Kim, Doyoung, and Jaehyun were able to live like that for two months. Biweekly doctor visits, someone constantly in the same room as Doyoung, and a full childproofed house. Every knife was taken outside of the house, no one was allowed to wear a belt or a necklace, all plastic bags were immediately thrown away, and to access any car keys, you needed to know the password to a safe. Some might think the family went overboard, but if you knew Doyoung, this was the only way they could get him to survive.

Or at least, they thought it was.

Every. Single. Night. Jaehyun would go to bed at 10, wake up 4 hours later at 2 am, check on Doyoung, go back to sleep until 6 when he would get up and get ready for work. He hated it, but he knew it had to be done if he wanted his friend alive.

The only sort of privacy Doyoung ever got was when he had to take a shower or use the bathroom, but even then, there wasn't much. He had to use a bathroom that had been specially cleaned out to only have the things he needed. Soap, shampoo, conditioner, toilet paper, hair brush, tooth brush, and toothpaste. If he wanted to floss, he had to ask for some, if he wanted to shave, someone would have to be with him.

Doyoung was aware of how much he meant to the people around him. He didn't want to be selfish in making his decision. That's why he stayed alive for two months, but no longer would he allow this to continue. Jaehyun was in pain. He wasn't getting enough sleep. He hated his job. He hated staying in Doyoung's house. Doyoung saw how much Jaehyun wanted to just go home and curl up in a ball and just... stop.

Jaehyun missed his own bed. He went to his house every now and then, but drove back to Doyoung's house for the night. For that, Doyoung felt guilty.

Jaehyun's parents hated the situation even more. Although they all felt like family, and they didn't mind helping pay for Doyoung's hospital bills, it was obvious that they were upset that they couldn't save that money in case one of their two boys got hurt and needed help. For this, Doyoung felt very guilty.

His own mother was suffering the least, but only because she understood and was used to the pain. Their family was never wealthy, but they were once close to being well off financially. Except, that was at the same time the Doyoung first tried to commit, a couple years ago. Ever since, they had to find a new and more expensive insurance company, they had weekly therapy sessions for him, they had to make a budget for antidepressants, and her boyfriend had left her because he couldn't handle a kid with mental health issues. Now, Doyoung has made their family even more poor. He has helped make Yeri's family poor. He has even started to make Jaehyun's family poor like them. For this, Doyoung is guilty.

For all this, Doyoung is responsible. He is the cause of Jaehyun's pain and suffering. He is the cause of Jaehyun's family's financial problems and unnecessary stress. He is the cause of his mother's singleness, the feeling of being unloved, the lack of money to spend on anything they want, and the lack of money to spend on the things they need.

He must take responsibility.

It's all his fault.

He is tearing families apart.

He is tearing his own family apart.

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Jaehyun's 6 am alarm clock went off. He looked across the room to Doyoung's bed like he did every morning, but today, he wasn't there. It's no big deal. Maybe he is going to the bathroom, but the bathroom was empty. Maybe he already woke up and is eating breakfast downstairs, but the kitchen was dark. Maybe he just wanted to be with his mother, but she was just sleeping alone.