Satisfaction [NCT]

26.

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Tonight Jaehyun needed a break. He has only been going to two places everyday. School and then home. It gave him too much time alone, too much time to think. Sure, it was nice to not have to talk to anyone, much less speak Korean to them, but it was dangerous for him to be alone with his thoughts.

Sleeping was a scary commitment he didn't want to make. If he went to bed, he would wake up in the morning and have to move on with his life. Every night since the day in August, Jaehyun has had an average of 4 hours of sleep. His mind is very sleep deprived but the act of sleeping is too much. The images of Doyoung's lifeless body in the hospital bed. Helplessness evident in everything Jaehyun did. Oftentimes, when Jaehyun begins to doze off, he will be awakened by a silhouette resembling his friend. The silhouette walks over to him and says "Come with me. Jaehyun, you aren't happy. Come join me." The rest of the dream is filled with a new journey with Doyoung, always consisting of Doyoung trying to convince him to die so he can join his friends. Jaehyun has been tempted multiple times to do what Doyoung said, but he can never bring himself to follow through.

He just needs a break.

Which is what he is getting tonight. He walked on the sidewalk of the city street. Stores that once had people roaming around, now filled with darkness. The emptiness of the streets welcomed Jaehyun. He was tired of people, tired of talking, tired of listening. Why couldn't he just be alone all the time? He felt peaceful on the empty streets. He was alone, but the loneliness comforted him.

No longer would he allow his sleep to be disturbed by memories. Instead, he would walk off the images. He kept track of how many light posts he passed by on his journey. He was determined to not get lost tonight.

He took a break on a bench after he reached about 20 light posts. He wasn't out of breath, he was bored. He imagined sneaking out and going for a walk would be much more fun than it was. As he took a break he glanced at his watch.

Mind - 32
Physical - 87
Spirit - 66
Love - 43
Relations - 24
Financial - 74

His satisfaction wasn't terrible. It's been worse, but it has also been better. The lack of love and relations worried him the most. If only those two levels would go up. If those went up, his mind would too, then he could be satisfied. He could be happy, but that isn't happening any time soon.

Jaehyun sighed and stood up to walk back to his house when he noticed one of the lights he walked past had burned out. He took steps toward the now-dark pole, placing a hand on the side. With the touch of Jaehyun's hand, the light flickered a bit before burning out again. He took his hand off the post and placed it back, hoping the light would flicker again, but it didn't. The light was out.

When Jaehyun first saw the lamp, it was fine. He passed by the lamp, only thinking about it as number 19. When the light was out, Jaehyun was sure it wouldn't even try to turn back on, but it did. The light had flickered, turning back on, but it seemed Jaehyun's touch wasn't enough. The light faded away again, but this time it was gone for good. Jaehyun knew the technicians would just come and replace the bulb sooner or later, no one else would ever know how the light had tried to turn back on. Everyone would just assume nothing was wrong, because they never saw anything wrong happen.

Jaehyun looked at the light post a while more before getting an idea. He looked around the ground and found a small piece of asphalt, broken off by cars. He took the piece into his hands and made a comfortable way to hold it. Checking his surroundings to make sure no one was watching him, he sat down next to the dark post and began writing.

Two minutes later, very shaky letters were etched on the side of the pole. He looked back at what he wrote before standing up.

D O Y