Satisfaction [NCT]

43.

———

Taeyong eventually had to pick Mark up and carry him to the car. He felt too awkward just sitting on Haechan's porch with a crying man beside him. He carried him from the car and laid him on one of the couches in his living room. His parents hadn't come home yet, so the house was silent. Taeyong turned the tv on to the news just to have a background noise and something to maybe distract Mark. Taeyong stayed in the kitchen, trying to create a quick and easy dinner for Mark and his family.

"Tae?" Mark spoke softly. Taeyong almost didn't hear him.

"Hm?"

"I fucked up Tae." He put everything he was holding down on the counter and walked over to where Mark was resting.

"It's okay, Mark."

"I do love him. I've loved him for years. He's right. I just wouldn't let myself admit it." Taeyong's mouth was agape. Is Mark serious right now? He couldn't believe what his friend was saying. "I fucked it up. Stupid Xiyeon. Why'd she have to fuck this all up? Why did I have to think she was cool? She's not! She's a shitty person and a shittier girlfriend! I ruined our friendship." He slouched. "He hates me. Taeyong, he hates me, I won't be able to get him back. What the fuck do I do? I can't be without him. FUCK!" He screamed and pulled his knees to his chest.

Taeyong didn't know what to do. He was honestly so in shock from Marks outburst. He had watched Mark go through all five stages of grief in two seconds.

Tonight was the night a part of Mark had died.

The part of Mark that believed he was straight.

———

The next morning, Haechan had trouble waking up. He's felt this way before, many times, but each time felt worse than the previous. Today, the minute he opened his eyes, it became hard to breathe. A weight laying on his chest, pushing down on him, crushing him as much as possible. Closing his eyes, he pushed himself to sleep until his snoozed alarm went off again.

Mark. What are you doing?

Can't you tell?

No.

Oh baby, how oblivious you are. It's so much fun isn't it? Being a clueless idiot.

Mark...

Am I wrong? You actually think I like you, how much more clueless can you be? I'm only your friend because your parents treat me how I wish mine did. And you know what's even better? You're an only child, yet I'm your parent's favorite son. Even they can tell you are worthless. You aren't smart, you aren't skilled, you can't even keep up a conversation with someone who isn't your "friend". And yet you still think I like you, through all those flaws. How stupid can you be?

The alternate world Haechan dreamt about was worse than the reality of being awake. He couldn't even escape. He was trapped. There's one option of how to get out, but Haechan pushed away the thought as fast as possible.
No.
He's not allowed to think like that.

Instead of getting up, he snoozed his alarm again but just laid, looking at his ceiling. He couldn't go back to sleep, he wouldn't. The weight on his chest hadn't disappeared, instead it grew heavier. He tried to give in, to stop breathing, but he couldn't. He was too weak, too scared.

The alarm went off again and he pressed snooze. What if he just doesn't go to school? Take the day off. Nothing important is due today anyway. There's no reason he should be there.

The idea was tempting, but his mom would never allow it. He rolled out of bed and threw on his uniform. He went to the bathroom to fix his hair and brush his teeth, but suddenly it all got too difficult. Trying to be presentable was too difficult. He threw water on his face and put water in his mouth before spitting it out.