Kabanata 9
Idinilat ko ang mga mata, naalimpungatan lang ako pero diniretso ko na ang paggising. A strange room welcomed me. Agad akong napamulagat at napabangon mula sa pagkakahiga. My eyes literally widened when my nakedness revealed as the comforter fell. Dali-dali ko muli iyong kinuha para takpan ang kahubaran ko. My mind became empty.
What the damn hell? Bakit naman ako hubad? Sinong naghubad sa 'kin? Am I raped? Oh gosh!
Sisigaw na sana ako ng "tulong, narape ako" nang pumasok sa alaala ko ang nangyari kagabi. I stilled, it's like my world stopped rotating on it's own axis. Natulala ako nang mapagtanto ang kagagahang nagawa kagabi.
I gave into Kiel! I gave into him so easily. My virginity was gone! Isinuko ko ang bataan! Ni hindi man lang ako nagpakipot! Shit...
Ang lakas pa ng loob kong sabihin kay Mommy na hindi ko isusuko sarili sa bunso ng mga Vanhouger pero... shit ka talaga, Chantal!
Napatampal ako sa noo at halos ilubog ang sarili sa malambot na kama na kinalalagakan. I can feel my face heated, I turned at the mirror on the wall and saw myself being red as tomatoes. Dinala ko ang mga kamay sa buhok at yumuko sabay sinabunutan ang sarili.
Everytime I remember my moans and gasps and voice in pleasure last night, I'm gonna be crazy. As in. You dumbfuck, Chantal. Ano na lamang ang sasabihin ni Ria sa 'yo?
Mas nasabunutan ko ang sarili nang maisip ang bruhang 'yon. I'm wrong if I assume she'll shout at me, disgust my whole being and judge me because I know what she really can be. Baka nga pa magpaparty siya kapag nalaman n'yang nadiligan na ako. Knowing her, I can't imagine her possibly reaction.
Sa sama ng loob sa sarili, hinayaan ko muli ang sarili na mahiga at isipin ang katangahang nagawa. The room I'm in is like a hotel or something. Naalala ko, nasa bar parin pala kami no'ng ginawa iyon. It's possible that I'm still inside the bar. Even it's so dark and the floor lamp was only the source of light, I can tell it's already morning.
Right. I wanted it. Ginusto ko ito. I won't deny I didn't liked it because I know to myself I enjoyed it, I enjoyed the pleasure we shared. Maalala ko lang ang reaksyon ko habang ginagawa namin iyon, parang ayoko nalang magpakita sa lahat. It's my fvcking first and yet, I can't feel any regrets doing it.
"Oh, you're awake." Napukaw ng namamaos na boses na iyon ang diwa ko. My body froze.
Ni hindi ko namalayan na bumukas na pala ang pinto at iniluwa niyon ang babaerong naka-score na sa 'kin kagabi. I composed myself before facing him, I should not look affected. I won't let myself lose over his expertise. Ako dapat ang manalo sa larong ito. Sinisigurado kong pagkatapos ng nangyari, akin na siya.
"Uh, are you feeling.. sore or what?" As he asked that, I almost drowned myself.
He walked towards the window and moved the curtains to reflect the sun rays inside the room. Ang makita ng eksklusibo at maliwanag ang kan'yang magandang katawan ay hindi ko napaghandaan. Halos makalimutan ko ang itatanong ko. I cleared my throat and fought the unknown heat. I held the comforter tightly.
"Hindi naman, sakto lang. Uh.. Kiel, gumamit ka ba ng condom bago natin gawin 'yon?"
I don't remember it clearly, I just know what exactly it feels like but not the literal start of events.
Hindi naman sa gusto kong binabalikan, ang sa 'kin lang, I want to make sure if we did it safely. Bilis niya kasi maka-score. I envy his performance.
BINABASA MO ANG
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