A/N: me when im touch starved and want a hug
Kokichi wanted a hug.
His whole life, he's been touch starved. He never really let himself feel close enough to anyone, so therefore he never really got the touch he so desperately needed.
But it wasn't that bad! Mainly because he was used to it.
It's just that sometimes he couldn't help wishing he could feel how nice it would be to have someone's arms wrapped around him.
Not like he would ever admit that to anyone! Wow, that would be embarrassing.
So, he just went about his life accepting that he might never get that comfort he secretly hoped for.
And that, in a way, was better. He didn't know what a hug felt like, so he wouldn't have a reason to want one, right?
Until he accidentally did.
Listen, it wasn't his fault that life after the killing game was so strange and awful it made him cry. That was Team Danganronpa's fault! And it wasn't his fault Shuichi came into his room while he was crying. That was Shuichi's fault!
Though it might have been Kokichi's fault that he left the door unlocked. Oops.
Anyway, when Shuichi saw that he was crying, since he's such a nice person, he immediately tried to help him. When words didn't work, he wrapped his arms around him.
And Kokichi immediately sank into him. His embrace just felt so... safe and comfortable. The warmth enveloped Kokichi and he wanted to stay there forever. All of the bad things he was thinking didn't seem to matter anymore. All he needed to think about was the feeling of Shuichi's arms.
And it definitely didn't hurt that he sort of, maybe, had feelings for him. No, that just made it feel even better. Now along with the comfort he was feeling, it also felt like there were fireworks going off in his chest.
But eventually, they pulled apart and that feeling went away.
And he couldn't stop thinking about how much he wanted to hug him again. Usually he would, but Shuichi seemed pretty fragile after the killing game. So Kokichi didn't know how he'd react to a surprise hug. It was totally understandable and he would respect Shuichi's boundaries, of course! He didn't want to pressure him into doing anything that was uncomfortable for him.
Though that wouldn't stop him from secretly wanting another hug.
Just a small one, for like 3 seconds!
Or a long one for like three hours.
Or he could never let go.
Whatever works!
But he wouldn't admit this out loud! He had a reputation to protect!
And fine, he was a little scared of actually admitting something like this for once. He wasn't very good with...feelings. He's only just started recognizing that they were acceptable and not ignoring them. And he only did that because his therapist kept telling him to. And it was exhausting not to listen to them when they kept saying it over and over and over again.
But feelings were complicated. Yes, he wants a hug and yes he likes Shuichi, but it doesn't matter if it isn't reciprocated! Then it's just useless. And what does he do then? Still keep those feelings? Apparently so, because no signs were pointing to Shuichi reciprocating and Kokichi still...felt things!
Y'know, on second thought, maybe he should just forget what his therapist says and start ignoring his feelings again. Then he wouldn't be having this problem!
