A/N: woah another nonbinary fanfiction
Kokichi isn't a boy. They aren't a girl either.
But then, what were they?
They're nonbinary, right?
Right?!
Their gender didn't really matter most of the time. It was just there. Kokichi only ever really thought bout it when they had to. Like, when someone called them a boy, that would spark their thoughts. Or when someone called them a "he".
They would always go straight to: I'm not a boy. But then they would go to: Or am I? And then they would go to: What if I'm just lying again? And even worse, there would always be that thought of: It doesn't matter. No one will accept me.
Kokichi could lie about a lot of things, their emotions being an example. But unfortunately, gender was really freaking them out. And they couldn't really lie about something that was so prevalent in their mind.
To everyone else, they could lie. But not to themself.
It was just so complicated!
Did he like he/him pronouns?
Did they like they/them pronouns?
Did she like she/her pronouns?
Can't they combine them too??? Like, he/they, she/they??? Or she/he/they???
What the fuck???
So they decided to just identify as nonbinary and go by they/them pronouns. They didn't know exactly what label under the nonbinary umbrella they identify as, but that was a whole other level of complicated.
Like, did they feel part girl??
Or part boy??
Or nothing at all??
Probably, nothing at all, since that feels more accurate to how they're feeling. But who knows??
Maybe they are a boy.
Ew, no, gross. It feels weird to identify like that.
But it's fine. Besides, no one really called them a boy that much, right? And if no one straightforwardly calls them a boy, they should be fine! They wouldn't have a reason to think about gender again!
Except now.
What is everyone's obsession with pointing out that there are men in this killing game???
Especially, Tenko. Though, Kokichi could guess she probably had some sort of long reason for that.
And it's not like it was any of their faults, they didn't know any better! But it kept the topic of gender in Kokichi's mind.
And that sucked.
They're already in a killing game??? And now gender has to attack them??
Everytime someone called them a boy, it felt wrong. And even worse, now he/him pronouns were affecting them even more. Usually, it would be fine enough and they could ignore it. That was probably because they were convincing themself it didn't hurt. But now, they couldn't ignore it. It just felt so wrong.
This was awful. They needed to swallow these emotions and keep them away forever. They needed to burn these thoughts and then burn the ashes too!
But gosh, it was hard.
As they mentioned, they could lie about a lot of things, but gender was just fucking with them a little too much.
That's why Shuichi could notice the irritated look on their face. Because someone called them a boy again, and it was getting harder and harder for them to not be able to react to it. If anything else had bothered them, Shuichi would have never noticed! But alas, it wasn't anything else, it was the weird world of gender that was bothering them.
They walked away from the situation before they could feel any worse, but Shuichi followed him.
"Kokichi, are you okay?" he asked, his voice gentle. Gentle? With Kokichi? What, did the world turn upside down or something?
"Yup! Of course I am!" Kokichi lied. Yeah, they couldn't lie to themselves about gender, but to other people it was fine!
"Are you sure?" Shuichi asked, again. Jeez, since when did he care so much?
"Yes! Why do you want to know so badly?" Kokichi countered.
"I was just..." Shuichi trailed off. Yeah, that's right. Don't finish your sentence. Let Kokichi overthink their gender in peace.
"Do you, uh, not want to be called a boy?" Shuichi asked, finishing his thought.
Oh fuck. And he thinks he's not a good enough detective?? How'd he figure that out so fast?
"What makes you think that?" Kokichi deflected.
"Uh, sorry, I just noticed you don't seem to like being called a boy" Shuichi explained.
"Noticed how?" Kokichi continued to press for information. They needed to know what they were doing what was making Shuichi think this, so they could make sure to never do it again. Telling others about their gender may be a good way to experiment, but in an unsafe situation like this, they thought they should just keep it to themselves.
"Well, you seem uncomfortable...I don't know I can't really describe it" Shuichi explained.
Can't describe it? So Kokichi can't know exactly what they were doing wrong. Just to look less uncomfortable. Ok, got it.
"Nee-heehee! Well your eyes must deceive you Shuichi because I'm perfectly fine with being called a boy" Kokichi lied. The words hurt a little to say, but it needed to be said. There was no way they were going to tell the truth right there and then.
"Are you sure?" Shuichi inquired.
Wow, Shuichi really didn't believe them.
"Yes! Jeez!" Kokichi reacted.
"You can tell me the truth..." Shuichi insisted.
Wow, Shuichi really didn't believe them.
"What, you think I'm lying?" Kokichi challenged.
"Actually, yes. You seem a little off than the way you usually act" Shuichi explained.
A little off? What does that mean??
"And that's the only basis for your argument??" Kokichi clarified.
"I guess..." Shuichi responded.
"Ha! Well, you're wrong anyway" Kokichi declared and walked away.
They didn't know if they handled that right. But they were Kokichi. They were confusing. Hopefully, they confused Shuichi to the point where he never tried to figure out Kokichi again.
