a/n: yeah another unrequited crush fanfic!! except this time its kinda okay because shuichi and kokichi are friends and their friendship isnt ruined by the unrequited crush,,also it's postgame where killing game was a virtual reality and theyre coping together <3
"I....I'm sorry, I just,I don't really feel that way towards you..." Shuichi explained, an awkward look on his face. He subconsciously shifted away from Kokichi, leaving the two even more apart than they were when the words left his mouth.
Kokichi's heart felt it had shattered into a million pieces. Broken. Bleeding.
He felt like he was going to throw up.
Everything in his positive little daydreams was just thrown away from him. Out the window of the stupid Team Danganronpa hotel room he had been forced to stay in. Never to return.
Shuichi was his friend lately. Always helping him after the killing game, getting to know him, treating him with care. And of course, Kokichi helped him too. He let himself be vulnerable and he allowed himself to maybe get close with someone.
And he fell, he fell hard. He fell knowing there was no way to get back up again, and he fell knowing there was nothing there at the bottom. Shuichi could never like him back. He knew that. But overwhelming loneliness caught up to him, and he couldn't help but wish. Wish that there was a world where Shuichi wished for him too.
After all, who would ever be okay enough for Kokichi again? Who would ever tolerate him again? There's no one else. How could Kokichi ever find someone else?
"Kokichi..." Shuichi whispered, struck by the emptiness in Kokichi's eyes.
But he couldn't hear him, he felt like he was drowning. Like his entire world just imploded on itself, and all that was left was the salty ocean made up of his tears.
He wanted to sink to the floor, to stop existing for just a moment. So he could stop feeling the horrid stinging in his chest. He wish he could erase all the feelings he's ever felt. Maybe then it wouldn't hurt so much.
"Kokichi. Look at me." Shuichi pleaded.
Kokichi didn't look. He feared that if he looked, he would fall all over again. Fall into another stupid daydream that convinced him that maybe, just maybe, Shuichi would fall for him too. It was stupid, so stupid. Kokichi was >so stupid.
Shuichi suddenly took his hand. As a form of comfort, probably. To try to rescue Kokichi from the emotions he was being filled with.
But Kokichi hated how this felt. He hated the way he wanted to hold Shuichi's hand, to never let go. He hated the fantasies that flooded his head, he had dreamt so many times that they would hold hands and yet he never even considered that this would be the one moment they do.
Tears sprung to his eyes, unable to hold back anymore.
"Sorry" he whispered, wiping his tears away with his free hand.
Somehow, if he really thought about it, this made him feel better. To outwardly be rejected, to let himself be hurt. At least the secret wasn't eating him up inside, carving through his body. Now it was out in the open, the burden shared with another. And he didn't have to worry about wondering if Shuichi liked him back, he knew. He knew there was no chance now.
"N-no. You shouldn't say sorry for your feelings." Shuichi reminded, "I told you that, didn't I?"
Right. He did. Those talks they would have late at night, comforting each other. Kokichi always took every single word to heart, and replayed Shuichi's words when he needed to hear them.
Kokichi wanted to die, if only he just told Shuichi how he felt then. Maybe everything would've been better now. Maybe he would've even liked him back. But it was too late now, far far too late. And Kokichi just felt alone again.
"...Kokichi, it's not your fault." Shuichi tried, "We just...um, aren't right for each other?"
Shuichi's words cut deep but Kokichi almost smiled at the very clear attempt to let him down easy. Actually, the whole situation was almost comical, it sounded like something he would find in a angsty love song. This hurt so badly that he might just start seeking out those love songs himself. He was never really the type to do that, but he needed some way to cope. Some way to grieve this little crush he had.
"...You don't need me, 'Kichi" Shuichi admitted. The nickname sent swords through Kokichi's heart.
"There's, there's going to be someone out there for you!" Shuichi further explained, "It's just...not me."
Was that really true? Would there ever be someone else out there for Kokichi? Really? Is there someone for him? It can't be true but then why did he want so badly to believe it?
Shuichi sighed, fearing that his words weren't getting through to Kokichi at all. "I'm sorry" he whispered, a sadness in his voice.
"Don't say sorry for your feelings" Kokichi quickly replied, recalling back the moment from earlier.
His heart hurt and felt heavy. He wanted to take a nap and not wake up for a while.
But yet...Shuichi was right. Kokichi didn't need him. He wanted him, so much, and he felt like he was dying from this rejection he was served but...he didn't need him.
He didn't need him.
He could feel Shuichi turn to him, but he wasn't ready to look at him yet.
Really, he just needed...a few minutes. Or a few days. Or a few weeks. To process everything. To repeat some words of comfort he knew he needed to hear.
He was alright. He was okay. He didn't need Shuichi to like him back. It was okay.
Kokichi took a deep breath. He tried to be grounded again. His heart stung, but he needed to move on. To find peace within himself, instead of someone else.
It was hard, so hard. It hurt so bad.
But he had to do it. He had to move on.
He took another deep breath and squeezed Shuichi's hand a little.
He was going to be okay.
