A/N: au where the killing game doesn't exist :) also it's about wanting touch but being afraid of it
"Shuiiccchii? Is there something wrong?" Kokichi asked, looking up from the board game they were playing to see their boyfriend sitting across. They both had only been dating for about 2 weeks, but they were friends for long before it. Kokichi knew how to spot when he was anxious about something and right now he clearly was. For example, he had been fidgeting for a while which is something he usually does when he's nervous, he doesn't even notice when he's doing it. Additionally, every single time it was his turn to play the game, he seemed out of it. Like his mind was on everything but the game.
It was likely that he was thinking about something, something that he wasn't sure of. He even had that look on his face, that thinking look.
Yeah, Shuichi may have been the detective, but Kokichi was observant too!
"N-no! I'm fine" Shuichi smiled, but the smile was faked. Kokichi could tell, they knew enough about fake smiles to spot them from a mile away
"C'mon. There's something wrong" Kokichi moved so that they were sitting next to him instead of just across from him.
"No, it's just..." Shuichi trailed off. He was fidgeting again and avoiding eye contact. Sure, he often avoided eye contact, but it was different in this situation. He wasn't even looking at Kokichi at all. There was definitely something on his mind, but why was he so nervous to admit it?
"It's just what?" Kokichi pressed. They wanted to know what was making him so anxious. He was their boyfriend after all! If something was the matter, they needed to comfort him! And if he needed something, they would be happy to help!
Shuichi looked over at them. Taking this moment, Kokichi studied his face, searching for a sign of how he was feeling. He looked like he was still anxious, but also considering answering Kokichi's questions.
Noticing this, Kokichi allowed the moments of silence to pass between them. They didn't want to rush him to speak, that would make him even more anxious.
It took a few moments, but finally Shuichi spoke, "I was just, I just wanted to...hold hands, maybe?"
Kokichi's heart was attacked by butterflies immediately.
During the two weeks they had been dating, they hadn't really touched too much. It happened sometimes, but it was always in a playful sense and they never got too close.
It's not that Kokichi didn't want to be close with Shuichi, of course they did, it was just that... they were afraid to.
Being close with someone would mean they had to be vulnerable. And tell the truth. That was like one of their biggest fears, it was scary. Every time they got too close to someone, physically or emotionally, it was like alarms would go off in their head telling them to push away. Sometimes, it wasn't that bad and they could handle all those thoughts. Other times, it would send them down a spiral no one could see.
Additionally, they were really touch starved, so they didn't really know what it would feel like. They definitely weren't used to it yet.
So, touch was kind of a big deal.
They talked about this with Shuichi before, reluctantly since they don't often like to be honest about things like this. But Shuichi seemed interested and assured them that it was okay to feel that way, that he would respect their boundaries.
That's probably why Shuichi was so nervous to bring it up.
Kokichi wanted to hold hands, they really did. But they couldn't silence the flutters in their heart.
