all time low (2012-2013)

maybe i could swim into your thoughts like your drugs do

A/N: please be warned that for a good portion of this book, drugs will be involved, so if that triggers any bad memories, feel free to skip over.

i sniff the cocaine lines one after another off ronnie's toilet seat's cover, maybe it drowns it all, it happened months ago, i'm still angry at it, i'm still forced to work with him, i'll be forced to tour with him.

all i do is sniff lines, take pills and heroin occasionally, i had lost alot of weight, i was spiraling out of control, and me and ronnie became "drug buddies" , i didnt want him to lose his fight, he didnt wish this upon me either, i started refusing going down to the studio that often. i lost all of the light in my eyes.

it got me down.

my phone rings, as i'm still laying on ronnie's leather couch, maybe i fell asleep last night, my days and nights started blending into each other.

caller ID: yaboi lex

i stretch, my whole body hurts, i have a killer headache and the phone ringing only made it worse.

"ugh fuck..what do you want" i say as i get myself to sit up, still with my eyes shut, sniffing.

"um goodmorning, where are you?" he asks me and i can hear some background noise behind him, like he isnt home alone.

"i'm at ronnie's you dumb fuck, where else would i be" i half yell, i was angry he woke me up. i didnt want to be woken up now.

"cut the attitude and get your ass down to my house" he says in a more serious tone now.

"fuck you" i hang up on him. he sucked, they all sucked, everything sucked, every time i pushed the needles into my body i prayed it took me away.

and it didnt, but it certainly took a part of my life away.

all of these drugs and i cant forget, i forget when it hits, and when it goes away it crushes me all over again.

an hour or so later, alex aggressively knocks on ronnie's door and rings the bell and startles us both.

"ugh what the fuck" ronnie gets up angrily, still hungover from last night, answering the door shirtless, as i lay freezing on the couch.

"alex fucking gaskarth" ronnie yells from the front door and it wakes me up.

"get out of the way, this is getting out of hand." he shoves ronnie and he walks inside.

"it fucking stinks of alcohol here" his face fills up with pure disgust at the smell, and at the needles and bottles we had on his glass table.

he pulls me by my hand to his car's passenger seat, and drives away.

alex's POV
she is a fucking mess, she looks like she barely ever eats anymore, her undereyes were pools of black and blue, and her hair was a mess, not the way danielle would keep it, she was so out of character.

"what the fuck" i ask her as i drive, i look at her waiting for a response.

i felt like i was losing her.

"i secretly pray it takes me away every night" she says as she curls up, closing her eyes again.

"if you dont go clean, i'm so sorry, i'll have to send you to rehab, you have to get better" i tell her as my voice cracks, it breaks my heart to see my friend shatter like that, ive known her forever.

and drugs, you either recover or watch it kill you slowly until your soul gives in.

"dont give me hell, where are you taking me?" she asks me.

"to my house, ronnie is a bad influence, just because he cant admit to himself that he is out of control means that he has to drag you down that path" i start yelling at her, hoping it slaps any reality into her, i just wish she wasnt too far gone to grasp reality.

"do it, i dare you motherfucker." she looks me dead in the eye.

it makes me press on the pedal even harder, i wanted to be home quickly, i needed me and sabrina to find her a rehab program, we were set to go on tour in a couple of months, and shes a fucking mess.

danielle's POV
i walk into alex's apartment, it smells clean and fresh, and sabrina and jack are waiting on the table nearby the kitchen area.

jack looks away when he sees me, i havent seen sabrina in ages and all she does is frown at how i look now, i lost alot of hair, i was so weak and thin, my eyes had heavy bags.

i sit on the couch in his living room, hoping jack doesnt speak to me.

"get your laptop" alex demands sabrina, they were looking for rehab programs for me.

he looks up and looks up all of these different programs.

jack carefully sits next to me, i havent spoken to him in such a long time "why did you do that?" he asks me.

i interrupt his silly question with a laugh. "excuse me?? i wasnt the unfaithful bitch who fucked some random whore at a bar when i had a FUCKING GIRLFRIEND" i start yelling at him and i get on top of him, throwing punches and hits at him of anger.

alex quickly gets up and forces me out of it, he drags me by both of my arms backwards as i kick and scream cuss words at jack.

he just lays on the couch in disbelief at what i just did.

"yeah call 911" alex tells sabrina, when he says that i kick and scream even louder, he was dragging me into the guest's bathroom. i try digging my nails deep into his skin and i hold onto walls and doorframes, he forces me into the bathroom and locks me inside quickly.

"LET ME THE FUCK OUT" i scream, and its just faint screams by now.

jack's pov
i'm still on the couch, just the way she left me, it all happened so quick, ronnie made her such a monster, she was gonna tear me if alex didnt step in, i could still hear her faintly shout from the bathroom, as sabrina calls 911.

"its your fault" alex says to me, i've felt so guilty, ive missed her every night to much, she was my everything, she was starting to get better, we were doing great, and now i probably ruined everything for good.

a couple of minutes later paramedics come in with a stretcher, and after her screaming and shouting at them, they come out of the bathroom with her all tied up to the stretcher. it killed me to see her do this bad.

she stopped enjoying music, she stopped cracking up her annoying jokes, she drifted away from me and her friends.

and every night it haunted me how i ruined what we had at some bathroom stall at a bar downtown that stank of piss.