all time low (2012-2013)

loud white lights

"uh yeah danielle quinn..i guess preferably if it could be today that would be good..okay..theres a spot?? okay thats great what time?...5:30? okay then thank you" i hang up, i just got done with speaking to the abortion clinic.

"so, you are going in today?" kellin asks me as he plays around with the cereal on his plate.

"yeah, i'll go" i tell him as i bury my face in my hand, he scoots next to me on the couch and wraps an arm around me.

"it's gonna be alright, i'll go with you and i'll even stay in the room when it goes down" he reassures me while pulling me in a hug and i break down.

"i just wanted him to be with me" i sob.

"i know you did, it wont make a difference, here let me get you a cup of water" he gets up and quickly fills me up a cup of water and gives it to me, i drink some and it calms me down and soothes the knots in my throat.

"5:30, right?" he asks me.

"y- yeah 5:30, do you have anything?" i ask him to check his schedule.

"nope, i'm free" he tells me.

"okay good" i tell him as i breath in deeply, i cant believe this is happening, dont get me wrong, i hate babies, and ideally i didnt want one now, but now that it happened, its all different, its like i wanna have the baby and i also dont, if me and jack arent raising it together in love, then whats the use to have his reminder shoved down my throat?

2004..
danielle's pov:
"well, do you want me in the bathroom with you?" jack asks me as sabrina sits on the edge of my bathtub.

"its fine, i'll be ok" i tell him, i had missed my period for two months and i noticed, usually i wouldnt have freaked out about it, but me and jack have been having sex lately and that made me worried, so sabrina picked me up a pregnancy test, i was so paranoid.

"hey, i love you" he tells me to hopefully make me feel any better. and i return the gesture of love with a nod and i close the door. my heart was racing.

we wanted to have babies someday, just not as stupid teenagers, and our parents would freak out on us.

"you got this" sabrina encourages me, she turns her back and i pee on the pregnancy test, i pull up my clothes and i sit on the toilet's lid, sabrina sits on the edge of my bathtub as she holds the test waiting for the results. i was terrified.

a couple of minutes go by and she sighs a sigh of relief.

"one line" she says, and it felt like a burden lift off my chest. jack knocks on the door and sabrina opens it.

"a- and? what did it say?" he asks sabrina as he looks at me.

"it's negative, you're all good, please keep your dick in your pants" sabrina punches him and it makes the three of us laugh, she tried lighting up the mood.

"how are you feeling?" he asks as he sits on the floor, holding my hand.

"oh i feel great you know, i didnt wanna have a baby this young" i tell him.

"yep, me neither, do you ever wanna have a baby with me?" he asks me innocently, i cant imagine this dork as a father.

"why wouldnt i? i'd do anything but not watch you panic over full diapers" i laugh and he laughs with me.

"okayy maybe i'll pass then" says jokingly as he gets up.

"well its only 1:04, i could call mike and we could go somewhere with sabrina" he suggests as he looks at himself in the mirror.