all time low (2012-2013)

drinking late ~ smut

danielle's pov:
"cant you hear me? i said who is she??" i yell at kellin who just got off a call with a girl and now he is changing to run some "errands".

"i said shes helping me with some merch stuff" he says as he puts on his tshirt, spraying perfume.

"oh really? i'm coming then" i say and he stops me in my tracks before i can pick up the clothes from the night before that was on his bunk.

"going where? you're staying here" he says.

"no?? i'm coming, everyone is away on a break i wont just sit here alone, unless you are hiding something" i cross my arms.

"unless i'm hiding something? my god danielle stop being so insecure, it's so unprofessional to bring you to a meeting like that!" he says as he puts on his shoes.

"yeah because you have been so suspicious lately and you wont even take me anywhere with you!" i yell.

"thats because its personal work, chill out" he kisses the top of my head to shut me up and walks out the van, and i pout.

there is something going on and i cant quite place what, he's had a bad reputation for being unfaithful so, i dont know, he has been having alot of 'meetings' lately or hanging out with some band members for 'work'.

if jack ever had anything like that he'd always let me come along, so i knew he wasnt cheating, but i cant say exactly the same, here i'm, i found myself comparing them two, i hate it when i do that, jack is much happier with molly now, so i dont know, i was with kellin but if jack ever wanted me back id go to him in a heartbeat, isnt that wrong to say?

i open the mini fridge in our van, i know justin had stocked us up on alcohol so, i decide to day drink, well its not really daydrinking if its already 5pm, but whatever, i needed something to shrug these awful thoughts off. i pop off a bottle and i blast some pop music on the tv, i plugged my flashdrive in the tv and shhh, occasionally i enjoyed throwback mainstream stuff.

i was dancing and drinking on my own while looking in the mirror, and eventually i was too drunk to be standing and dancing, i turned off the tv, and eventually the fun drinking to loosen up backfired and i was drinking more than i know i can take, maybe it knocked me out and i slept, maybe.

by 7pm i was left lazily with a bottle in my hand and my phone on the table. and i'm bored, it was a sick game to decide if to call jack or not, kellin would freak out if he ever found out ive been hanging out with jack, and i'm horny and sad.

you know, sometimes i just miss the familiarity of him. i feel so guilty to still be in love with him, i still sneak looks during rehearsals when he laughs, i still get butterflies when he touches me, even if we went beyond that point. i miss him. maybe its the alcohol hitting but i dont care.

i dial him stupidly and he picks up right away and it sounded quiet around him, surprisingly.

"hey?" he starts.

"where are you" i say.

"well im not on the tour busses anymore, why?" he asks me.

"right, well where are you" i ask again, dropping the bottle.

"uhm at some motel here, im supposed to be meeting molly" he says.

"fucking molly" i slur.

"i'm sorry?" he says.

"nothing nothing, well i'm coming over send the location" i say.

"are you drunk?" he laughs.

"a little, alot" i say.