My Sunshine

Love Doesn't Hurt - Haru

Haru laid on the couch, holding him tightly against herself. He was an absolute mess... far worse than she had ever seen him.

Part of her couldn't believe it. He was going through all of this misery for the past few months... because of her. He loved her. He knew all of her darkest parts and he still loved her.  It was surprising.  When she arrived, she wanted nothing to do with men.  And yet, what was amazing to her was that she loved him so deeply already. She didn't know this kind of emotion even existed, but here she was, feeling it radiate strongly from her chest to his.

His head was heavy against her shoulder but his weight was comforting to her. Clearly exhausted, he had fallen asleep in her arms. The apartment was chilly, and she was glad that he had lit the hearth. While she was glad that she went out with Kata, she wished that Iruka had confessed his love to her earlier in the day so she could've cancelled. She knew that she had feelings for him, but it wasn't until tonight that she found a name for it: love.  Using the words 'best friend' had only caused confusion and unspoken hurt.

He had quietly stolen her heart as he had helped her to heal. And it turns out that she did the same to him.

He stirred a little, whimpering. She shushed him lovingly.

"I'm here."

He moaned weakly into her shoulder.  She pulled his head back a little; which was still seeping blood through the bandages.  There were smears of it on her arm. This was the first time she had the chance to take care of another person. She gently pulled his shirt up and his waistband down, checking on his still bruising hip. It was turning an angry shade of purple. Covering him back up, she heard his low voice muffled against her shoulder.

"You don't have to do this if it's too much."

She ran her hand over his hair; he seemed to melt further into her.

"Let me have the chance to do something for you.  You've already done so much for me."

She continued to hold him, surprised by how comfortable she felt around him after such a seriously shitty night. But... she supposed that it wasn't such a revelation after all. He was so tender and so kind, and she was finally living what she has always suspected to be true: that love doesn't hurt. It's patient and kind, like him. She had experienced all of this from him.  She wanted him, the kindest and most loving man she had ever met.

But, the longer their friendship went on and the healthier she began to feel mentally and emotionally, the more she was annnoyed that he never brought up any of his feelings with her.  It had been an uncomfortable three months of him telling her that the holidays were getting him down, when it was really his fear of unrequited love.

And now, on Valentine's Day, which was apparently today, he had finally told her.

The fact that it was in the middle of a heated arguement pissed her off.

Iruka had given her an incredible gift: the ability to trust that not every person was awful. And with this knowledge, she was beginning to pick up the pieces of her broken life and move on. If this relationship didn't turn into anything more than a caregiver situation, then she wanted to reach out to others. And she was more confident that she would be able to.  Sure, it was still scary sometimes; she had anxiety in her chest at the thought of having to meet strangers.  But this village felt safe. She was able to branch out beyond the safety of Iruka's apartment to meet someone and have a normal date.  She had proved it tonight.

Part of her was still happy that she went out with Kata; it just would've been nice on any other day.  She had read about Valentine's Day in romance books, but the date never clicked in her mind. It still felt a little overwhelming to her, but the date with Kata went well.

If she wasn't so attached to Iruka at this point, she could have easily fallen for the sweet, shy ninja.  Kata was really great, and he would make someone really happy.  

Just not her.

So Iruka must've sat here completely crushed all night. She felt for him, but she also felt slightly annoyed. He could've saved himself a lot of heartache if he would've just told her. But, she also understood the reason he didn't.

Iruka had always been concerned that she didn't miss out on anything, so why would this be any different? 

Iruka had always mentioned how old he was, even though it was only a 10 year difference. She could tell that it bothered him greatly, but she didn;t mind at all.  She appreciated the fact that his life was structured and he was settled into his routine, which was something she was realizing she needed.  With being pulled out of bed in the middle of the night to pleasure a man to not knowing where her next unpoisoned meal was coming from, the structure of his day was calming to her.  He had a set routine and he didn't mind changing it for her, but she appreciated being invited into his structured life.  It seemed to work well for both of them.

He encouraged her to go out with new people. Iruka encouraging her to accept Kata's offer for dinner was really a selfless gesture on his part, even though she was still annoyed. But, she already knew where she wanted to be.

He stirred again, looking up at her, as though this was a dream and she wasn't real.  His concussion would have to be checked out when the snow stopped, but it appeared that this blizzard had no sign of stopping. They could be snowed in tomorrow, and she was okay with that.  They needed the time together to process this change in their relationship.  His pupils were still dialated, but he gave her a sleepy grin.  She whispered gently into his ear.

"Happy Valentine's Day, Iruka-kun."

He looked surprised.

"You... called me... Happy Valentine's Day, Haru-chan. I love you."

His voice was barely a whisper.  So was hers.

"I love you, too.  Get some rest; I'll be here when you wake up."

She leaned in and kissed his forehead gently, making his breathing quicken a little.  She could feel his heart race against her chest.  He really did love her.

He put his head back on her shoulder and nestled in.