2/24/15:
okay so when i liked nk,
(i'm in the process of getting over him, it's tearing me apart bc i keep thinking that he cares but idek o.O)
i got jealous. like a shit ton.
(also for the people in the things imma mention next, please remember that there are no hard feelings okay? ^-^ ily)
because i swear freaking everyone just decided to talk to him and be super close to him omfg
I DON'T EVEN KNOW WHY
because no one noticed him in seventh grade, so why the fuck is everyone crowding around him in eighth?!
^^^^^ and that, ladies and gentlemen, is jealousy.
and i got really sad cause i wasn't brave enough to do the things everyone else did.
ie. taking pictures with him, hugging him, joking around, getting really close to him
i just got really insecure about myself.
i started comparing myself to other people and seeing how they would be a better girlfriend than me.
we were really close in seventh, but i guess i distanced myself in the summer.
and when everyone got close to him, i felt limited bc i didn't believe i had the right to do the same.
i basically saw myself as an ex.
but we weren't dating in the first place.
but it's not the other's fault for what i believe.
so i would hate myself everytime i got jealous.
and i would hate others for being able to get closer to him.
i had a lot of internal conflict.
it got so overwhelming for me that i had a talk with my friends who were doing this, despite me feeling guilty for feeling jealous.
i felt like they were rubbing it in my face like,
"hey look elaina! guess who's better friends with nk? yeah, not you! haha you loser, he doesn't even want you! you shouldn't have distanced yourself from him lol"
and they wouldn't even know.
so they understood, and i decided to confess to him and well,
you know how that went.
ironic.
so now since i'm trying to get over him,
i'm trying really hard to not care.
or at least make him believe i don't care.
it's really hard.
note: there are no hard feelings okay? i don't have any grudges or hatred. i'm feeling better.
YOU ARE READING
blender
Randomhi so this is sort of a journal bc why not share my thoughts to strangers instead of keeping them locked in a book?! haha so here we go :) ps. i tend to go on tangents, my train of thought is *points to air* up there.
