blender

I WANNA LOVE LIFE

1/16/15:

yesterday in english, my teacher asked us "what is a good life?"

OH MY GOD I LOVE THESE QUESTIONS it's just because you get so many different opinions and outlooks on life and we're like little philosophers I JUST LOVE IT

and people talked about fufilling life and finding happiness and satisfaction with your life.

and i said that a good life is a life that you can always look forward to, a life where everyday is something new and exciting, where you can live and be happy for living.

i don't know about you, but i want to do stuff with my life.

which is kinda hard since i'm stuck to a screen typing out all of my ambitions hehe but ily guys for listening

i was in a car going home and i was drinking some calpico (if you don't know what that is, i am very sorry for your poor soul, you need to try.) and i looked at the sky,

and the sky was just beautiful.

on the left, it was a nice pale pink, when i (over) think about it, the sky can be so many colors, like it just depends on the weather and time and it can from a nice dusty gray to such a vibrant blue that gradients into purple, OMFG the sky, it's just beautiful.

on the right, the pink faded into a light blue and it was so beautiful i just, wow.

and i was staring at the sky drinking the sweet milky calpico, just thinking about life.

you know, there's a lot of times when i get really sad and stuff, but i'm just glad that i can live and stare at the sky for as long as i want.

in those few minutes in a car, i was enjoying life.

and my life goal is to be able to have moments like these, every. single. day.

but,

i sometimes feel bad for feeling that way.

because i look around, and everyone else is, well, suffering.

i have friends with friendship problems,

and teenagers are getting depressed and commiting suicide,

i'm just thinking,

why are all these people in pain, and i'm not?!

what did they do to deserve such a life?

and i try to limit talking about the good parts of my life, well because

i don't want my friends to feel worse than they already are.

but i try talking about the bad parts and

i'm afraid that i'm burdening them with my problems.

when i talk about what makes me happy, i'm afraid that my friends feel worse about themselves.

when i talk about what makes me sad, i'm afraid that my friends feel worse about me.

either way, i'm afraid.

i just want everyone to just enjoy themselves and forget sadness, but i talk and listen,

and their lives are just so overwhelming, i don't think i can be of any help.

i just feel that people are spending so much time wallowing in pits of darkness and there's a light, joyful amusement park right there. like they spend so much time sad that they don't notice happiness.

but even as i'm writing this i'm scared that i have been ignorant about what others feel and that "i don't understand because i haven't been through what they have been through",

and it's true. i haven't. if i tried, i still won't be able to feel what you feel.

but you can't guilt me into going the pit of darkness.

it's just that,

i'm scared to be happy.

i just want all of us to look at the sky,

but most of us are neck deep into the ground.

note: hehe sorry for making this post take a slight turn in feelings .___. i want you guys to try and spend time to look at the sky, okay? just try it. and if that doesn't work, find something that makes you enjoy life. because there are so many things that you can do, you are limitless. you are capable of amazing things. so go and catch em tiger. ^__^