blender

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wahrning: i actually don't know what to tell you, but this is a airplane wreck.

1/6/15:

sometimes there are these times when nothing bad is going on, but i feel like crying.

like i can feel tears forming in my eyes and my throat and head feels heavy but NOTHING AT ALL HAS ANYTHING TO DO WITH IT.

is it just me?

maybe there's something wrong with the emotion part of brain because I HAVE NO REASON TO BE CRYING.

maybe it's my period, maybe not.

but my friends get really worried for no reason sometimes when this happens.

"elaina, what's wrong? are you okay?"

"what are you talking about, i'm perfectly fine."

"....okay then."

it's just weird.

speaking of periods, i notice that there are like two types of pms.

one's like the really emotional wreck who cries for no reason and stays up late writing weird love poems and missing hugs (aka me),

and the other one is godzilla who's pissed bc he's already killed everyone in tokyo and can't find another victim to smash and the second season of his favorite anime was canceled (aka prolly everyone else).

but no matter who you are,

you still gonna crave the chocolate.

i do not get periods. why do we need practice to holding a human baby in our stomachs?

i mean children are scary to begin with, especially if they're yours.

periods are like the only reason people use to explain a woman's behavior. i'm totally okay with that, since i'm tolerant of immensely ignorant people, but you know,

maybe you'll change your mind if i keep blaming your pricky mood on how that 12-year old completely 360 no scoped your ass on cod.

how's that for "get rekt kid", now make me a fucking sandwich bitch.

but so far, people haven't a single time called me "on my period" when i show the slightest bit of anger, so that's okay.

but i blame my period for the most confusing weeks of my life. i start feeling sad, and i start missing holding hands, then i realize that i held hands with like an edward scissorhands hand and it hurts.

but then i completely ditch those feelings and say the pain doesn't matter, i just miss a lotta stuff.

then my next time on it, i say that those happy moments are in the past, and things are different now and i shouldn't be missing anything. but then things don't change and i say, "well there still are happy moments now, there's still hope,"

only to be knocked down the next month, when i get hurt, but still attached.

rinse and repeat.

why.

i can't think straight and emotional baggage doesn't help.

i made a folder labeled "DO NOT OPEN UNTIL YOU FEEL BETTER, KAY" and dumped a bunch of photos there, just in case.

i once deleted all of my happy photos and i feel huge regret, so you know, just in case.

feelings are the hardest things for me to help track of.

☁☁☁☁☁☁☁☁☁

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^^ that's the airplane wreck i was talking about.