blender

really? p.2

1/11/15:

well hey (: i'm just gonna talk.

where do i start....oh yeah.

my growing crush. damn.

so, word traveled, and people were tryna ship us together.

which i had no problem with, but i just felt uncomfortable about the fact that they wanted us to do stuff like kiss whatever.

i actually liked it. but i felt that people were forcing me to do things so fast, and it's my first time in this scenario, and well

i was pretty much lost.

so, that happened for about a few months or so, and going to school was actually enjoyable.

and then came the second to last friday of school, friday, june 13.

it was a goodbye and hello dance, aloha dance.

and i went there bc i liked parties and post-partying headaches that hurt like hell and other shit like that.

and whaddya know, nk was there.

so we danced a lot, i got to drink a bunch of soda while watching him wall twerk.

(he's actually not that bad at it.)

AND THERE WAS A BOUNCE HOUSE OMFG SO FUN

and my childish impulses went on the bounce house and stayed there like forever.

nk joined, and we jumped over the inflatable obstacles and whatnot.

and we got tired, and nk just happened to get a migraine. (poor guy, those hurt a lot.)

naturally, i sat down with him, and became like a doctor mom. i asked if he needed anything, and if he should rest. he decided to rest.

so, he laid his head on my chest, and i ,being the awkwardly social person i am, immediately said,

"your head is on my boob."

of all the godamn things.

so he moved and started laying on my lap, and my legs were stretched out, to which he said,

"your knee is in my dick."

of all the godamn things.

so we ended up sitting side by side, and before i knew it,

we started holding hands.

ADFFJKLGGDFY

we sat like that for like 20 minutes, hiding behind an inflatable obstacle.

AEJLGFBNGCXB

i didn't think about anything, but just something suddenly shifted.

my friend amber moved the obstacle and revealed her four friends, plus nk's friends and my friends. holy shit.

they were all screaming and trying to take pics. we just sat awkwardly while i was trying to hide us with an obstacle.

tbh, it was awesome.

then, nk went up and told me how his friend was too afraid to ask his crush out, and would give nk 5 dollars if he could ask me (if you hadn't know, he had a giant crush on me) out, to give him reassurance.

he told me that he would be getting 5 dollars as he smiled.

well, the dance ended off with dancing and hugging before i left and i realized:

it was friday the 13th. (woahhh how about that, now you know not to get cuddly with bad luck.)

anyways, the next week consisted of my friends congratulating me, people having fun and shit, and on the last day of school,

i realized i wasn't ready for this.

i knew it. i had another responsibility placed on me. i had to sustain my relationship with nk without problems.

also my friends were still pushing us to do stuff i wasn't happy doing. like kissing behind a straw hat while they were taking photos.

so the last day of school was filled with guilt and false reassurance.

i knew that i didn't want to date. it's 7th grade anyways, what was i thinking.

so, about two months into summer, i told him. i didn't want to date. but i confessed it all in a paragraph on skype, and i might have spoken more than i had to.

he read it,

and said we weren't dating in the first place. i guess it went okay bc he wasn't fuming mad or noticeably heartbroken, but

i somehow decided to delete and erase anything that reminded me of him.

my only guess was that i didn't want anything to suggest that we were dating.

it was a hard time.

if he would try to talk to me, i would act disinterested and sarcastic. it was a very bad mistake. i would try to disconnect. again, a very bad mistake.

and if you're reading this, nk, i apologize for what i did over the summer even if i didn't know what i was doing, that was still wrong of me to do. i'm very sorry.

but, 8th grade came, and for some reason, i liked him. and i felt extremely guilty for doing so bc of what i did in the summer.

but i liked him, and up until now, it was full of crying and long nights.

he changed, you know?

everything revolved around his ego now, and he acts like a dickhead in order to get high fives from his bros.

he was now no more than a douche.

he made fun of people, never said sorry.

he just lost all of his cute and nice aspects.

when we talked, it would be about him being pissed off about his dad or sister. or it would be making fun of me or our classmates.

and he seemed disinterested in what i had to say. "K" or "c00l" was most of his replies to my topics.

and last night, well last night was something monumental to me.

but as most of you might be sleeping now, i'm gonna stop. but, i'll tell you this:

i will never regret last night.