BLACK SHEEP | DW

038.

"you cannot make everyone think and feel as deeply as you do. this is your tragedy... because you do not understand them, and they do not understand you."

sometimes you have to blame yourself, because you knew better. because nothing is ever as it seems, especially things that we vehemently believe.

and sometimes, in the silence, there is a loud chatter, one of things the mouth won't say. because, for venus, expressing feelings is unnatural— like pulling a tooth. she can never get herself to quite say the words right, get her lips to make the shapes that form the sentences, even if she had phrased it a million eloquent ways in her head.

so, instead of speaking her mind, damning and brilliantly, she sat, gaping like a goldfish in a glass tank when she bumped into Dally on her walk to the convenient store.

of course it wasn't an accident— it wasn't like those movies you see where some one accidentally runs into another, knocking the books out of her hand and scrambling to pick it up. this was far less gracious, this was far less wanted.

venus was vexed to pretend it didn't happen, to turn back around and act like she hadn't just turned the corner right into the same boy she had yelled at two weeks ago— but she couldn't. like her feet were cemented into the ground, and her knees could not bend anymore, she stood, completely still.

"venus," he said. it was one word, her name, a simple greeting. but the way he said it contained a mix of so many emotions, she felt perplexed. he sounded longing, almost, like his shoulders would round forward looking to embrace her. like she was the face of a lifelong lover who he hadn't seen in a vast amount of time.

she wanted to hear him say her name again. selfishly, she wanted to divulge in all the emotions he would let slip just seeing her exist in the same world as him. "Dallas," she returned.

it was cold, her greeting. much different from his. perhaps he deserved it, no, he knew he deserved nothing less than that. he deliberately tried to see how far he could push her— what her limit was— and now he was suffering those consequences.

Dally realized, he could burry his thoughts and feelings all he wanted, but just because he hid them, doesn't mean it stops existing. maybe he could never rid himself of the thought of her until he stopped denying himself the chance.

if he kept living his life in this box, too scared of being vulnerable, he might always feel as unhappy as he always was.

that's not to say he was ready now, because he definitely was not, but he was willing to try. he was willing to do it for venus.

if he could silence the demons, maybe he could hear the angels sing.

"why?" he tugged the cigarette from his mouth in one swift motion, averting his gaze. he shook his head with a tight lip expression, one of annoyance maybe. "why did you do it?"

taken back, venus keeps her stoic expression, trying not to let on that she's been dwindling somewhere between excitement and dread when it came to seeing him again. "do what?" venus questioned, neutral.

"you come visit me— you yell in my face," he starts, a little more aggressive then he means, while gesturing. "you do all this shit, thinking you're helping me, and when i tell you to stop, you come visit me, and yell in my face?"

apprehension overrides her very being, picking at her nails to avoid looking at the confused boy. "i don't have an answer for you," she speaks softly. "i know you want to know why, but i don't even know why."

he was looking for himself, and asking her questions that he knew he could answer. he knew the answer, he just wanted to hear it. he wanted to hear the words from her, so that he knew there was a reason he was gonna lay himself on the line like this.

taking a step forward, he almost commanded her attention. with his hands at his side, he stared deep into her eyes, and for a moment venus was scared he might see what laid behind them. "your dad got me out early," he said, though they both already knew that.

"you helped me," she tried to explain. "you might not even know it, but you did help me. when you wrote me back that letter, after i told you about how i didn't want to go to school anymore, it helped me. so i guess i wanted to return the favor."

quiet for a second, he nodded, like the thought had finally connected in his brain. "that's what friends do, huh?" he questioned her, almost laughing at the strangeness at it all. "friends, uh— help each other, and shit?"

"yeah, that's what friends do," she concurred.

nodding again, he put his hand out for her to shake, extending it like an olive branch. "then i guess we're friends, murph," he finally admitted it.

she shook his hand, feeling the static of the contact travel up her arm in spurts of energy.

the heart is like a moth. silently waiting for the light, and when it comes, it flies straight towards it.

hey!
i posted another chapter
because im really
embarrassed with the
last one, so i wanted
to make up for it :P