BLACK SHEEP | DW

047.

"some people don't know how to fall in love, like not knowing how to swim. they panic at first when they jump in. then they figure it out."
-sarah addison allen

venus had become accustomed to two things.

nothings is permanent, and life moves on anyway.

for a while she could live with it. she could let herself fall at the mercy of unruly time, and accept that she had no control over things like loss or change.

but now, she liked where she was at. it might not have been perfect, not by any means, but it was livable. it was livable— she didn't just have to exist anymore, she could live.

having a soft heart in a cruel world took a lot of courage. and now, venus had a lot to lose. all of the priceless things she had gained— like friendship and memories— could all be lost in an instance.

for a moment, she supposed she understood what Dally was all about. who would want to have a lot if it meant you would suffer when you lost it?

but still, she helped. she gave and she gave: parts of herself away like she wasn't afraid to lose.

"we're gonna turn ourselves in," johnny nodded, from the back seat of buck's car.

it took a little bit of convincing, and a whole lot of bravery, but when he said it, it made venus smile.

Dally didn't seem to like them conspiring behind his back, however. "what?" he questioned wildly, like he was almost disappointed, or something of the sort.

"i got a good chance of being let off easy. it was self-defence. you just said," he tried to reason. "pony could testify, and venus said that cherry can to. we already got a lawyer. we won't say you helped us. i'll give you back that gun. you won't get into any trouble, Dal."

intaking a sharp breath, venus gave the boy a curt nod, almost as if she approved of what he said. when Dally looked to johnny, and then averted his stare to venus, and saw how the two looked so hopeful— he finally caved, just a little, "are you sure this is what you want?"

"yeah. it ain't fair for darry and soda to worry about ponyboy all the time," he looked down, almost glum. "guess my folks aren't worrying."

something flickered in Dally. he cared, anyone with two eyes could see he cared about johnny. and when he was sitting there, getting disappointed about the lack of care from his parents, it almost infuriated Dally. like this was his whole reasoning to being cold the whole time.

"hey, man, the boys are worried!" he disagreed. "two-bit wanted to go to texas to hunt for you!"

it didn't seem enough for him. "dallas, i asked if my parents asked about me."

"no, they didn't! so what? do you think my old man gives a hang if i'm dead in a car wreck or drunk or in jail or something? he doesn't care! but that doesn't bother me none! come on," like something had lit ablaze from beneath him, as he shifted the car's gear to drive away, he shook his head. "you're not going anywhere. i get you this hideout. i get you a hangout, man, a hideout. and look at this. you wanna split.
this is just terri—-"

"hey!" venus cut off the small disagreement between the boys, a feeling of guilt, remorse, and sadness all bubbling behind her splintered ribcage. "both of you cut it out," she demanded.

"johnny," she turned around to face him. "i'm sorry your parents haven't asked for you— but you don't get to pick your family. you've got something better, i would think. you got friends that would do anything for you. shit, it took everything in me not to tell my dad what was going on everyday. so i get it, it's upsetting, but you got to look at what you do have, cause you have an awful lot."

as she adjusted herself to face Dally. cold and hard as he was glaring at the road before them— trying to let her words bounce off of him like a brick wall, she continued anyway. "and you need to stop thinking he's like you," she send him a pointed look. "just cause you like to think you don't care, doesn't mean other people don't. he wants to do the right thing, and turn himself in, who are you to get mad at him?"

he exhaled, and for a moment everyone in the car thought he might explode on her. but he didn't, he didn't do anything.

johnny looked to the back of venus's head, admiration transpiring along his every nerve. no one had ever validated him like that. no one ever talked to Dally like that. the guys weren't too good with their words, and even less talked about feelings and such, but what she said stuck with him.

he realized that venus would have done almost anything for him, and he would almost do anything for her.

suddenly, he felt like he didn't need his parents to care— as long as he had good friends, he was okay.

no one could be independent completely. Dally needed to give up the attempt, johnny needed to stop looking for it in the wrong places, ponyboy needed to stop getting mad when people did depend on him, and venus needed to stop running in the other direction. they needed to depend, depend on people for everything, and allow them to depend on themselves.

life had not forgotten them. though it hurt, though it was tough, life would hold them, and not let them fall.

just as they would do for each other.

just as they did, running into that burning church to save the stranded children.

just as Dally did when he put out the fire that had lit ablaze on pony's flannel sleeve. just as venus did when she took a rogue piece of debris to her shin for him. just as johnny did when he pushed her out of the church before it collapsed.

and just as the world had when they saved the boy for a few more breathless moments.

because they were all something. they had made their way inside each other's hearts, to everything. even an ending.

just like the sun in the sky, that hid itself behind the horizon every night, tucked away from the human eye— sometimes people had to leave too.

it wasn't fair. it wasn't just. but neither were endings.

yet, for all the times he had been so afraid, for the burning embers and flickering flames that had eroded his skin the moment he stepped into the church, he knew he couldn't let venus take that hit.

johnny knew that he would have thrown himself in front of it, if it meant it could he him and not her.

that's what you do for the people you care about. it's what venus would have done for him. it's what Dally would have done for venus. it's what he did.

he chose to help the girl, the girl who had helped so much she might not have even batted an eye to the devil if it meant protecting the people she cared about. he chose to help the girl who didn't seem to notice that she had so much more to lose then he did. he chose to help the girl, because he knew, in return, she could still help Dally.

because if it were her, and not him, neither of them would finally confront the pasts they had not healed properly. because without venus, there would be no Dally.

because everyone had their role models. everyone had someone they looked up to.

venus was johnny's.