BLACK SHEEP | DW

039.

"a ship is safe in harbor, but that's not what ships are for."
william g.t. shedd

tapping absentmindedly on her notebook, venus kept glancing at the clock every few minutes or so— waiting for the day to end.

there must be another life, she thought. not a world made up in dreams, but a different life here with all these people. one that didn't consist of the strange whispering from behind her that mentioned her name every few sentences. there must be another world, she sunk back into her chair.

her impatience bled out, intent on watching the clock's second hand move just a little bit, every time. it crept closer to 2:30. closer to when venus could finally be released from the building that was supposed to be a place of equal opportunity, but only presented itself as a place of scrutiny by the harshest critics— teenagers.

there is a certain anxiety laced in the air, one that seemed almost tangible. venus could practically feel everyone inch closer to the edge of their seats as the clock said 2:29. quietly, they put their books into their bags, allowing for an easy escape upon release.

venus, she hadn't noticed, but her teacher grew irritated at the rustling around the classroom, as the students itched to leave and go about whatever the afternoon had planned for them.

for venus, the afternoon presented nothing but an opportunity to go home and recharge her social battery. it drained, almost completely, pretending to be okay all the time. pretending to be normal.

but, like most things, the notion of normality is contingent— it is not something that is the same everywhere. normal, here in tulsa, seemed like pretending you had this amazing reputation, and not conversing with people who could harm it.

she hated that.

just like she hated when cherry valance invited her to the diner after school with her friend marcia.

here was this girl— so caught up in appearances and reputation, that she probably wouldn't bat an eye at anyone of venus's friends, perhaps not even venus herself if she knew everything about her, but because she didn't, she liked her.

venus wondered, for only a moment, that if perhaps everyone were blind, it would be a better world.

it felt like a traitorous thing— sitting in the booth with the red headed girl and her pristine brunette friend, at a diner on the south side. it seemed like a criminal thing, when they laughed at the expense of some odd classmate venus didn't know. it was a dangerous thing, when they asked her more about herself.

"do you have many other friends?" cherry questioned her. it felt like an interrogation. though the girl probably meant for the question to be friendly, to prompt dialogue, venus couldn't help but feel like she was prying her open, and trying to get her to open that door.

shifting under the girls careful stares, venus played with her bracelets. "a few, yes," she admitted, but decided not to elaborate further.

marcia ooo'd at her, cooing like she found it the most interesting piece of information. leaning forward, she smiled. "do we know them?"

"you might," venus gritted, growing annoyed. if she were to tell these girls, these soc girls, who her friends were— would they excommunicate her already?

cherry didn't seem vindictive though, as she toyed with the sleeve of her sweater. "you're friends with that charming boy, right?" she started, looking up in thought. "the one who works at the gasoline station?"

venus almost flushed. how cherry knew that, she had no idea, but it seemed like these two girls were trying to figure her out, and she didn't like it. cherry noticed her uncomfortable grimace, and decided to clarify. "i saw you two, with that other boy, walking down main street maybe a week ago," she explained. "course, i didn't know it was you then, but you seem like you're awfully close."

"they're good friends," venus said shortly, and almost defensively— like she didn't want these girls talking dirt all over her friends. "they were some of my first friends when i moved here, and they've been good to me."

cherry smiled, nodding, almost to say she wasn't passing judgement on the girl. "such a shame we don't see him around school anymore," marcia nodded in agreement. "i'm sure he had to work full time after his parents died—"

venus cringed at how casually they discussed the matter, almost as if soda wasn't even her friend at all. "what about you two?" she tried to change the subject. "do you have any friends i might know?"

"ohh, yes, maybe," marcia beamed, smiling. "i'm dating randy adderson, you know, the boy with the blue mustang?" venus's stomach dropped. "and cherry is with bob. oh i know! perhaps we could set you up with daniel sometime, you two would look great together—-"

"no— thank you," venus laughed awkwardly, breaking down mentally in her head as she recalled the events from the nightly double. she was in the lions den, and she didn't even know it until now. "i'm just... focusing on school right now?" the statement sounded like more of a question than she implied it to.

"i admire you for that," cherry nodded, like she approved of her statement, or something. like venus needed her approval. "sometimes i can't stand being in a relationship. i mean... bob— he's so sweet sometimes, but others he's reeling in the streets completely wasted and..." she drifted off.

venus furrowed her eyebrows at the confession, lacing her fingers together in front of her. "then why are you with him?" she leaned forward.

"what?" cherry asked, almost offended.

"you said, he's nice sometimes," she said softly. "but, not all the time. so why are you with him?"

cherry looked at a loss for words, scrambling to pick up the thoughts that littered her brain and try to rearrange them into a coherent thought. "i-i... i don't know," she started. "you don't know him like i do, venus. he has a whole other side to him, and," it seemed like she was almost trying to convince herself.

"here's how i see it, cherry," venus began, shaking out her curls with her hand. "i've been in tulsa for only a few months, and i've seen a lot. the people here are fake. anyone who could act one way to one person, and a complete different way to another, is fake. anyone who could deny someone a friendship, or refuse to talk to them because of something deemed "not normal" is fake," her words cut deep, but she continued on anyway.

"the world is already filled with so much hate, war, malice. why do we add to it? why do we make peoples lives harder than they already have it?" venus asked rhetorically. "everyone's got something wrong with them— i think, it's the people who point it out that's got it the worst. because, at least if your unnatural, weird, and you can live with yourself, i find those people a whole lot better than the "normal" people who can't go without picking on someone. it's sad... they can't even live with themselves."

cherry met the girls eyes, almost staring in admiration. she hadn't realized it until then, but she was a coward. she cared what other people thought of her, and she did her best to fit the part.

but venus, something in what she said resonated with the red headed girl. she liked her friends, she liked where she was at, and she didn't try to impress the people around her all the time.

she knew.

cherry knew about venus's father. everyone knew, of course. but for once, cherry decided that she wouldn't let other people's opinions dictate her choice.

venus would be her friend, no matter what people said— because, she wanted to be like the long haired girl. cherry wanted to be like venus.