BLACK SHEEP | DW

053.

"eyes are distracting. you see too much. you don't see enough."
will graham

long brown hair.
ivory skin.
the small slanted smile.

these are all things she had gotten from her mother.

except her eyes.
her eyes were her fathers.

ironically, her eyes were the only part of herself that she liked. perhaps it were a subconscious thing— like everything in her was trained to hate her mother.

"it's not safe for you here," the woman would say, but venus knew she really meant, i will do anything to tear you away from your father. "i just want what's best for you," she would continue, but venus knew she really wanted to say look what happens when you stay with him, you end up in the hospital for days. "you'll be happy with me," she would finish, but venus knew she really meant, your father will give his "illness" to you.

unfair. unfair. unfair.

why did everyone get to make decisions for her, her whole life? decisions about who she was, and who she should be, and what was best for her. no one knew that better than venus, and right now, what felt best for venus, was Dally.

she tried to stop by his room, to tell him all that had happened, but he was gone. it was nearing nightfall, and Dally was gone. her dad had not come back to the hospital, nor bill, nor ponyboy or two-bit or any of her friends.

only her mom.

with her impatient tapping on the window sill, and the cigarette drawn between her lips. she was waiting for venus's clearance, to take her back to new jersey , to rip her apart from the life she had learned to not hate.

"please," every once in a while venus would whimper in spite of herself. "why are you doing this?"

and every time she was met with the same cold answer. "it's what's best for you. living with your mother can't be so bad, can it?"

yes.

it was.

so bad.

all venus had wanted was to sit on the dx counter one last time, and listen to sodapop and steve bicker as if they were brothers. she wanted to laugh her fear away when two-bit hit a curb driving her home. she wanted to go to the diner with johnny and order more food than they could eat. she wanted to annoy darry when she pretended she had nothing to do with the shenanigans pulled around the house. she wanted to talk about the stars with ponyboy and try to guess what their names were.

all venus had wanted was for Dally, one last time, to show that there was a chance for everyone. she wanted that hard facade he had built to crack just a little bit once more, for him to cry like he had when he thought she was dying that night, and to tell her he cared— in this life that he had turned cold too, he still had the capacity to care.

she wanted him to hide his smile that inevitably formed on his face when she was around. she wanted him to chastise her when she made stupid decisions because he always knew her better than that. she wanted him to look over at her, one last time, and finally see what life was supposed to feel like.

all the heartbreaks and pain and hurt were all worth it if she could look into his eyes once more and read the book of his life. to see how their words collided in a chapter and how the rest of the pages would never be the same after they had met. the book that had started, one without the other, might not end the same.

she wanted their names to be intertwined forever, and no one would ever be able to mention venus without Dally's name following right after.

she needed to say it, one more time.

she loved him. and she always would.

so that's why she ran. she ran and ran and ran— in her hospital gown at midnight.

she passed the lot where the rumble had happened hours prior. she passed the town center, eerily empty this time of night. she ran across that north-south side border. bare feet bloodied from the sheer impact of the concrete.

she ran until she saw a familiar little corner store, with a familiar t-bird parked outside the building, with a familiar broken boy through the illuminated window.

she ran until she saw him.

she would go anywhere just to see him.