BLACK SHEEP | DW

045.

"as long as we don't die, this is gonna be one hell of a story."
-john green

when venus decided it was okay to disappear, at least until she felt like herself again, was the same time she had gotten an unwanted visitor.

she met the wolf alone— and she was devoured by it.

the entire universe had conspired for venus to meet Dally, and yet he was able to turn her away. the sky mourned that day, like sweet aphrodite's plan had failed them, and she was crying all over the concreted roads.

venus wanted to sit and heal herself until she stepped out into the world again— but the world found itself at her bedroom window.

it had been days since ponyboy and johnny had ran. days of lying to the gang, about not knowing where they were. days of calling soda when he didn't have anyone to turn to. days of crying herself to sleep after suffering the most embarrassing rejection in the history of the universe.

and now, days after the world had imploded, he was at her bedroom window.

the light lingered, as she peeled back the curtains to greet the moon. it was three in the morning. he talked in whispers.

Dally didn't know why venus was the first person he would go to— but he did, like an invisible force brought him to her house. maybe it was aphrodite's plan.

"i got hauled in," he told her.

she hoped she would fall asleep, before she would fall apart, but venus didn't. she felt a tremble in the back of her throat, seeing him there, and went to shut the window on him.

before it made contact with his fingers, he grabbed it, overpowering her weak attempt to shut him out.

the most broken people are able to love you harder than others. because when you've been kicked down, at your lowest, in the dark, you learn to appreciate everything that shines. and venus is the brightest star.

his mind was to hectic to form the sentences he wanted. "i told the cops they were headed for texas," he continued, as he weaseled his way through her window.

he was in her room, uninvited, and all venus could do was turn her back to him.

crossing her arms, she stared past her bed, past the book case, past the picture of her and angela on the wall— she stared beyond tangible things and objects, but at the same time looked inwardly.

why hurt someone who's only intention was to care?

venus couldn't wrap her head around it, and she wouldn't face him. not now, maybe never.

"why are you here?" she muttered.

Dally didn't tell her why. he didn't tell her that getting dragged into the station reminded him of when she helped him the first time. he didn't tell her that he was slowly breaking up inside from her absence. he didn't tell her that she was the first person he thought to see. "so we get our story straight if they bring you in," he lied.

"well, i got it," she whispered, still not facing him. "you can go now."

reaching out to touch her shoulder, his hand fell limply as he noticed her heart turned cold. "venus," he tried to say— but she cut him off.

"i said you can go!" she whipped around, eyes stormy like the weather outside. "if words are all you have for me— then go! i don't want them."

puddles formed around his feet, as the rain water had fell from his damp clothing. he couldn't tell what was louder, the beating heart in his chest or the thunder outside.

taking a step forward, he rubbed his face as the little droplets of water fell off of his hair and onto his cheeks. "go..." she whispered again, voice cracking helplessly.

"i'm not going," he said sternly. "not now, and not ever."

he said it with such a confidence, venus couldn't help but try to decipher every meaning. Dally had finally made a choice. he chose her, and he would chose her every time.

"you hurt me," she said. "you'll do it again."

"of course i'll hurt you," he agreed. "and you'll hurt me too. but if i don't do this right now, i might never come to terms with it."

"do wha—"

he grabbed her face, rough at first, but kissed her so gently. like the fusing of their skin, he pressed his lips on hers— not because it made him forget, not because he wanted her to stop being mad at him, but simply because he wanted to. because it made him feel whole.

she pushed him away, baffled, and shaking her head. "no," she told him. "every time i try to voice how i feel, you don't get to do that. you don't get to just kiss me to get me to stop."

"i like you," he told her.

for a moment they were still, and she digested the words. it felt like hours that they would stare at each other, Dally waiting for her response. but he made his choice, and when Dally's mind was made up, there was little you could do to stop him.

he realized, he could try to cauterize the deep wounds of the past that ran through him with booze, with cigarettes, with parties, with sex, with pretending— pretending that he doesn't care, or he could find the strength to open the wound. he could let venus reach inside, and pull out the pain that he had always been carrying, and leave a stain on his life.

Dally wanted her.

"do better," she told him. "aim higher. i am not for anyone to like."

he didn't respond, at least not with words. he grabbed the teary eyed girl, and pressed her against his chest with an embrace. saying nothing sometimes says the most. after all, there are different ways of loving, aren't there?

he never liked hugs, even less received them. but holding venus between his arms, like for that one moment, he could keep her safe— and for that moment, she was all his— made the world feel right. like everything he went through was supposed to lead him up to his moment right here.

vulnerable, faltering for only a second, he slipped the ring off of his finger.

he always gave his girlfriends his christopher, the necklace being a mark to say she's mine, but it didn't feel appropriate with venus. he didn't want her to have something of him that other girl's have had.

putting the ring on her finger, it was too big. but, she held her hand clutched tight, so it wouldn't fall off.

Dally had never given anyone his ring before. and even now, this wasn't an action trying to claim her— he only wanted her to have a piece of him wherever she went. he wanted her to think of him always.

venus stared at the ring for a minute, admiring how it shone in the iridescence of the moonlight. admiring its metallic sheen. and then she met his eye.

"you're not as terrible as you think you are, murph" he tells her. "i get why you help people now."

when she hummed, he continued. "you did something for me, man. you waited for me. you did things i wouldn't even do for myself," he admitted. "the only thing i'll ever regret in my life is lying to you."

they kissed once again.