BLACK SHEEP | DW

049.

"also i wanted to be able to love. and we all know how that goes, don't we? slowly."
mary oliver

"hey venus," his voice settles like the remnant sorrows of yesterday.

he closed some doors. he pushed aside his pride, his incapacity, his arrogance, simply because they had always led them no where. he realized that he shouldn't ignore when the painful moments came to visit him, and instead had to sometimes say, i see you.

because he did see. and like he saw all the bad— all the hurt of the moment, he also saw the very person that made him believe in happiness at all.

her breaths were deep, as the oxygen mask had been looped over her ears with the elastic. every once in a while her eyes would flutter, and he thought she would wake up, but she hadn't.

as far as he knew, he had been one of the last people to see her— like this.

her father and bill had been here since she arrived, and even now they were somewhere around the mundane building. the curtis brothers had visited her last night before they brought ponyboy home, probably giving their well wishes, or whatever else you say to someone who has gotten hurt in a fire.

he wasn't sure if any of the other guys had come to see her, or angela for that matter, but he was sure they would. venus was well liked— anyone who knew her probably had fallen for the same colgate smile, the same green eyes or chocolate curls that he had.

the same couldn't be said for him. he hadn't gotten even one visitor, hadn't thought anyone would care enough to stop by and see how he were doing. no one besides this one girl of course.

the one girl who looked so peaceful as she fluttered her eyelashes at every small beam of light— so peaceful he thought the world could not even touch her in the moment.

no one could hold a torch to the way she still looked like a living piece of art, even with all the wires and bandages. she looked like maybe the only person put on earth meant to keep him alive.

"shit, man," he didn't know if she heard him, but part of him wished with every bone in his body that she had. "you just had to run into that church and save those stupid kids, man."

he was not used to caring, he didn't know what to do.

"of course you did," he shook his head. "couldn't have expected any less from you."

nothing in her faltered at the words he had spoken, and for a moment she was so still the only thing that told him she was alive at all was the steady beeping that emitted from the machine.

when she wheezed, his heart dropped, but then her heart rate had regained normal speed— almost as if it had never happened.

"don't you dare," he said to her, bringing his thumb to his lips as he stared in disbelief. "if anything happened to you cause you threw yourself in trouble again... for some stupid fucking kids. i- i, i swear to god, murph, i'll kill you."

for a heartbeat it was okay.

for a heartbeat there was nothing wrong.

just him, and her, together.

he cradled her hand between his own two, for just a heartbeat, not caring if anyone had saw him like this. for just a heartbeat, he let a tear slip.

"i've never said this before—" he was almost freaking out at the very prospect of his words. "not to anyone, ever. so you better not laugh, or tell anyone, cause i'll— i swear, i'll..." he drifted off as he stared at her face, still.

"i love you too," venus muttered, finishing his own thought for him.

he hadn't known she was awake. hadn't known that she had even heard what he had been spewing this whole time. and yet, here she was, saying his own sentences better than he could ever.

for feelings they had always kept to themselves, because there had been no language to describe it, they had finally found the words.

they had dug and dug until stumbling upon the meaning of

i love you.

he couldn't tell if she had went back to sleep, or if she might not have been awake in the first place, but as her eyes were still closed— his were open.

but, while no one was watching, he cried. while no one had noticed, he cried.

but she, like the rest of the world, notices everything.

so, she didn't say anything.

so she left him alone, not out of respect but out of fear.

because the world is afraid of boys who cry.