Snake Bite || Sapnap

28

I had laid staring silently at my ceiling for nearly an hour before my phone started buzzing. I turned onto my side with a sigh and looked at my phone. I was surprised to say the least when I saw the contact name 'Babe' show up on my screen.

I reluctantly accepted Sapnap's call and put him on speaker. "Hi." I felt like I forced the word out.

"Hey, Mel." Sapnap responded timidly before clearing his throat. "Are you alright?"

I pursed my lips. "Yeah. I'm fine. Why'd you call?" It came out a bit more aggressive than I wanted it to be.

"Well you left..." He seemed to trail off in thought. "I know you were stepping out for Karl, but you seemed stressed."

I hated that he could read me. It was our first call alone in a month and I was still somehow an open book. "He wanted to play and I was tired. There's not much to it."

He was silent for a moment. "It's been a while."

"It has." I agreed with a short nod.

"I've missed you." Sapnap admitted with a sigh.

I winced. That one hurt. "Don't say that, Nick."

"Sorry." He mumbled. "I just... I did."

"You never responded to my texts." I pointed out.

"I didn't." He seemed ashamed to admit it.

I let the question that had been bugging me for past two weeks slip. "Why? Why didn't you?"

He took a moment to think over his answer. "I didn't think you wanted to talk."

"Why would I text you if I didn't want to talk?" I bunched my eyebrows in confusion at the suggestion.

"I don't know." His voice somehow seemed to get weaker. "I assumed you didn't want to talk after you wouldn't respond to me for two weeks. I feel like that's a valid reason."

I felt guilt pool in my stomach. "I wasn't trying to avoid you." I didn't even know if that was a lie or not anymore.

"You did a hell of a good job of it for someone not even trying." Sapnap let out a dry chuckle.

"Why did you call?" I tried to desperately build my walls back up.

"I told you. I was worried." His voice was unreadable.

I sighed. "I wasn't trying to worry you."

  "I know you weren't." He mumbled.

  The call fell dead silent and I wanted nothing more than for things to go back to how they used to be. I just didn't know how to fix this. I'd already caused so much damage by pushing him away.

  "I missed you too, you know." I anxiously fidgeted with my hair in response to my own admission.

  "You never called." Sapnap was still speaking like he was afraid of it.

  I turned to look at my phone. "You didn't either."

  "No, I did." Sapnap corrected me. "I called you once a day for like five days after I left North Carolina. You never answered."

  I closed my eyes to try to calm myself down. I needed to explain it to him, but I didn't want to. I had to believe that he'd understand once I told him, but I couldn't be sure anymore. "I wasn't answering anyone. It wasn't just you. You know those three days a couple months ago where I dropped off of the face of the planet? Same thing. Depression's a bitch." I shook my head in mock amusement. "I couldn't even look at my phone. I wasn't avoiding you."