Look At Me || Natasha Romanoff

Chapter 23: Hold my hand

Natasha was laying down on a hospital bed and y/n was asleep on the chair beside her bed. She was still a mess, you could see the bruises scattered around her face. But not as bad as Natasha was. 

The monitor beeped as Natasha slowly breathed. Y/n had woken up and stood up glancing at Natasha. Shortly after, Steve came inside the room. "Hey," he had his arms crossed as he stood by the doorway. Y/n looked at him and sat back down followed by a sigh. "It's not your fault, y/n." Steve tried convincing her. 

"I did this to her." She said in a brittle voice as she looked at Natasha and placed her hand softly on Natasha's hand. "That wasn't you, just like that wasn't Bucky." Steve looked down at the floor and y/n quickly glanced at him but said nothing. 

"It's okay, I'm working on it with Sam." He walked towards y/n and Natasha. Y/n nodded as she slowly kissed Natasha's cheek. "I'm grabbing a cup of coffee, want anything," she asked before standing up and walking towards the door. "No, thank you." 

Y/n made her way to grab a cup of coffee but made a quick trip to the restroom. She looked in the mirror and stared into her eyes. Her eyes traveling around every inch of her face. She touched her hair, which was basically all gone now. She traced her hand down her edge and closed her eyes. A second went by and she opened them again, she looked at herself and got flashbacks on the fight with Natasha. She was angry at herself then because she would never forgive herself for hurting Natasha. She slammed the sink and forced her tears back in. 

She went for the cup of coffee and returned to Natasha's room. As she walked into the room, she saw Steve talking with Natasha. 

She was awake. 

Y/n placed her cup on the bedside. "Hey," she said with a weak smile as she held out her hand to reach for Natasha's. 

Natasha quickly pulled back her hand away before y/n could hold it. Y/n noticed the hesitation so she took her hand back and tried not to show her pain. "How are you feeling," y/n gazed at Natasha looking down. "I'm okay," she replied in an undertone as she refused to look up at y/n. "Alright, I'll let you two ladies catch up," Steve cut the tension. "No, please stay," Natasha blurted out. Y/n cleared her throat, "Excuse me," y/n said as she rushed out the room. 

She was frustrated at everything, and at that moment she wanted to leave everything behind. She wanted some peace and tranquility away from the world. "Where do you think you're going?" A deep voice spoke from behind her. She stopped but didn't turn around. "I'm leaving," she roughly said. "Are you sure that's what you want?" Y/n could hear the footsteps come closer. "Roma-"

"Natasha doesn't need me." Y/n turned around and almost yelled it out as some people turned to look at them. "Okay?" She spoke softly this time. "I hurt her and it's best if I leave this team. Which I was never really in it by the way." She looked up at Fury. "Also, I just realized you came back from the dead." She said in a dead sarcastic tone. 

"Look, you can't leave now. We're still working on whatever your powers are and Romanoff needs you. This wasn't your fault, y/n." 

"Stop saying that, stop. I need to recognize my mistakes and live up to them and I don't think I can live with the memories of almost killing the love I need to survive!" Y/n looked down for a second and gathered all her thoughts before the words came out of her mouth. 

She sighed and looked up at Fury "I'm sorry,"  she sped walked out of the hospital and pulled up her hood. She didn't know where she was going, but one thing she needed was answers. She understood that Natasha wanted space and probably to never see her again, but at that moment all she wanted to do was hold her tight close to her heart and to hold her hand...