Pretty, Precarious & Prohibited

45 - Young, Yourself & Yell

~ Hold Tight - Justin Bieber ~
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⚠︎︎TW - This chapter includes discussion and flashbacks of Sexual Assault

"Stop crying!" "Shut up!" "You like it!" "See, this isn't bad. I told you." "Fuck."

How do you stop your thoughts, how do you stop your emotions. I didn't sleep at all last night. I need a brainwashing machine. I need something to make me forget. Maybe a time machine to undo everything.

I've been sober free for five weeks. It's been a week and a half since I got back to Wesley. I'm in the library on my free period trying to get sleep. But I can't.

Usually when these thoughts run through my mind I pop a pill and try to get high or drink till I'm past out drunk. Can't remember if you aren't conscious.

The bell rang ten minutes ago. I've been trying to calm my ragged breathing and shakiness. I think I got it. I get up out of my spot and make my way to the cafeteria.

My phone buzzes in my pocket but I don't answer it. I already know who it is. I push open the cafeteria doors and walk straight to them.

"Whose is this?" I ask, picking up the coffee in the middle of the table. I flick the lid off and begin drinking it.

"Well it was mine," Tag mutters.

I take a seat next to Heath. It's my new assigned seat. It's where I've been sitting the past week and a half. "Thanks T. Love you." I blow him a kiss before finishing the coffee.

I place it back on the table. Caffeine can help with drug cravings. Right? A hand is pressed against my thigh interfering with my leg bouncing. "You okay?" Heath whispers. I nod, picking up his fruit cup off his tray.

"Yeah. Can I have this?" I ask.

"Have whatever," he shrugs. I smile picking up a fork and begin eating from the fruit cup.

"Alright there's a party Friday night. We going or staying?" Levi asks while reading the details off his phone.

"Going!" I exclaim. Everyone stares at me with concern. With pity. I hate pity.

"Guys I'll be fine. I won't get drunk and I won't take any drugs. It's been five weeks, my cravings are basically gone," I assure. But it's a lie because I'm craving right now.

"Okay then we are all going," Maya says. Everyone agrees. The group falls into conversation about college. Which I'm not applying to so I zone out.

A hand rubs over my knee and I look up at Heath. "Why were you late," Heath whispers.

"Was in the library. Fell asleep," I half-lie.

"You haven't been sleeping. Truth," he says. How the hell does he do that?

"I was in the library," I repeat.

"Are you having cravings? We can skip," he says. I shake my head and put on a smile.

"It's fine. I can handle it. Hangout with me during the free period?" I ask, placing my hand over his that rests on my knee.

"Always."

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"Can I get a large black coffee," I order.

"Change that order to a large green tea. Two of them," Heath rephrases. I stare at him confused. "And two blueberry muffins."

The cashier nods. Heath pays for our food and we wait on the side for it. "Why'd you get rid of my coffee?" I ask.

"You're using caffeine to obliterate your cravings. It's not good and you've already drank like two larges today," he explains. I'm not mad, he's right.