Pretty, Precarious & Prohibited

42 - Psych, Penguin & Pain

~ Talking To The Moon - Bruno Mars ~
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"Alright, how about we make a deal. I'll tell Tammy you've been so good you deserve a 5 minute phone call if you cooperate with me," Maria proposes.

I do want to make a phone call to Heath. "10 minutes and you got yourself a deal," I tell her. She nods crossing one leg over the other.

Marie is my psychiatrist. I haven't been talking to her at all. "Alright. Now I'm going to re-ask you this. Why do you feel the need to take drugs?" She repeats for what feels like the tenth time.

"To get rid of thoughts," I answer vaguely.

"What kind of thoughts?"

"Vivid ones. I have a photographic memory so I tend to see a lot of things from the past clearly. Which I hate," I explain.

She hums writing something down into her notebook. "And can I ask you what these thoughts say?" I hate this.

"Thoughts or mental images of a memory I wish to forget that happened in the past," I retort. I know she wants to know more but I'm not telling her.

I'm not ready to tell anyone else.

"Alright I have the feeling you aren't going to tell me. Is there something that can make you more comfortable?" She asks. I stay silent. "How about more phone time or ice cream?"

"Isn't it inappropriate to bribe me as my therapist?" I ask. She lets out a laugh. Not a high pitched or pretty one. A rich one.

"I'm just trying to know you. Okay let me ask you this. Is there, other than drugs, anything that helps you get rid of these thoughts?"

I think about it for a second. Only one person. "Yeah one thing. Well person, but my family is trying to take him away from me," I confess. Hopefully I can trust her.

"Mhmm. So no inanimate objects or music style?" She questions. I shake my head no. No one except Heath. "I think we should explore and look for something that can get rid of these thoughts. If I said PTSD how would you respond?"

I shrug. "Possibly I may have it. The situation was indeed traumatic," I admit.

"Well coping mechanisms we can use include exercising, journaling, mindfulness activities, maybe even medications," she says. "How about we try the first few suggestions first?"

"With all due respect I have. It's shit. How much time is left?" I ask.

"25 minutes."

"Argh!" I throw my head back.

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"7 minutes nothing more," Tammy says.

"I was promised 10," I correct.

"7 that's it. That's all we give our patients if they aren't making a call out to a parent. Here," she places down a flip phone on the table.

I pick it up and begin dialing Heath's number. But I notice nurse Tammy is still in the room. "Privacy?" I ask. We are in a room with four walls, a table and two chairs.

"Protocols. I have to make sure you aren't asking for drugs, planning to sneak out-

"Or plan to harm myself. I know, I read the handbook. What do you think I'm going to do? Shove the phone down my throat," I mutter. She gives me a serious look. "Wait, I'm sorry. Alright fine," I give up. I take a deep breath before hitting the call button.

"Took you long enough," I hear Heath's voice right away. A smile spreads across my lips.

"Well you know I'm a very busy woman," I jest. I hear him chuckle. "Plus I only get seven minutes of this phone call because I made a deal with my shrink."