Hey guys. I think it's almost been a year since I first started this story, I'm pretty sure it was a bit after summer or in summer. Anyways, I've been feeling the same way as I did before writing this.
I'm not that type of person to show my emotion as in personal things. Like when things start to get too deep for my comfort I'll brush it off with jokes or redirect the question to something lighter. I never tell my friends or family whats wrong because I'm afraid they will view me as weak or not myself. I don't think I've ever cried in front of my friends. That for me is big no.I never want to be pitied or be someone who has "problems" with themselves. The thing is I have people in my life that I know I can go to, but I just never do. I don't want to be a burden.
Today I spent the past 30 min crying over my body because I hate it. I considered cutting again, but the scars I already have are ugly and are the reason I can never wear certain clothes because no one knows. I mean who cuts to cope. It's stupid but at the same time makes sense in my head. After it's done, I have scars that remind me that I did it for a reason and then I'm stuck remembering that reason for life.
Every time I try and starve myself it fails or I get caught and told I need therapy. I know that's not good but when I look at myself in the mirror I can't help but think what if I could do it. I just hate everything about me. I'm not smart, pretty or anything close to what most beauty standards are physically. It shouldn't matter, but everything is saying it does. I wear the same clothes almost every week cuz I'm to afraid to wear anything else. I've been trying to be the person I want to be, but whenever I get close it seems even farther away. I feel that some people are lucky while others try really hard to get to their goal but it's just not enough. I've been trying for so long and have gotten no where.
Summer is around the corner and I don't want to be that one person who is too scared to wear a swimsuit or a tank top, but that's been me every year since I actually started caring. I don't really know what to do anymore.
YOU ARE READING
Shattered Mind: Ahsoka Tano
FanfictionAhsoka is struggling to accept herself. She feels that she can't live up to her or anyone else's expectations. One day, she decides she's had enough of being a burden and takes matters into her own hands. Cover by the lovely -xaurora Double Disclai...
