Crystal Breeze

CB39

CB39

I am confused.

I felt like I'm being pulled by both sides and there's no way I can escape unless I choose one to take.

Hindi ko maintindihan ang sarili ko. Whenever I think that everything is just because of the past I forcefully closed, I am confident and sure of the last things I shall do. But then, whenever he's around, it just collapses. Like nothing exists in between... like there's no way it will turn out wrong.

Replace him?

Pakiramdam ko ay ako mismo ang natamaan ng sarili kong tanong. Did I? Can I even do that?

Because the first time I saw him... the first time he held me again, I immediately recognized that it was him... that he was real. That no matter how much I lived without him in my life, I will always know what it feels like to have him around me. Kasi siya 'yon eh... si Rion Legrand...

No one in this lifetime can take his place.

I am sure of that... but...

"Earth to Syn?"

Hunter snapped his hand in front of me. Napakurap agad ako at lumingon sa kanya. Sumalubong na agad saakin ang kanyang ngiti.

"Sorry..."

"Are you okay? Pwede naman tayong umuwi na kung hindi maganda ang pakiramdam mo?"

Agad akong umiling sa kanya. "No! I promised to help you, right?"

"Yeah... but you're spacing out a lot."

Guilty akong ngumiti sa kanya. "I'm sorry, madami lang akong iniisip."

"I can see that... dapat pala hindi na kita tinanong. I just hope to cheer you up, though..."

Mas lalo akong nakonsensya dahil doon. Sa totoo lang ay ilang beses niya na ring tinawag ang atensyon ko kanina. I just can't really pull myself out of my thoughts these days.

"Sorry talaga, Hunter," ulit ko bago ko inikot ang tingin ko sa paligid ng mall. Napako ang tingin ko sa isang store ng mga furniture at home designs. "Doon kaya tayo?" turo ko sa kanya.

Sinundan niya ang turo ko. He glanced at the store before he put his eyes back to me and nodded.

"Hindi ba masyadong malalaki yung nandyan?"

"Tignan muna natin tapos lipat na lang tayo sa mga appliances mamaya kung wala tayong mapili."

He smiled at me and nodded. "Alright."

The smile he gave me remained in my memory. My heart constricted.

I am sure that no one can replace Rion but how about the life I made for the past years? The changes I have encountered? The people counting on me?

There were a lot of things I held dearly now that I didn't before... and it will never be okay to pretend that nothing of it matters.

"Ang ganda nito!"

"Seryoso ka ba?" natatawa kong tanong sa kanya habang iniikot-ikot ang tingin ko sa paligid. Mabilis ko siyang hinila palayo sa pagkakaupo sa kama noong makita kong may papalapit na salesman.

He chuckled.

"Sinubukan ko lang."

"Mapapaalis tayo dito!"

"But it's nice, right?"

I grimaced. "Not a very advisable one to give."

"I won't! Mahal 'to!"