Crystal Breeze

CB35

CB35

"It was ours..."

It was so different to my ears. For a long time, I've been used to owning up for everything. Ako lang ay may kasalanan. Ako ang dahilan kung bakit napunta sila sa ganoong sitwasyon. Ako yung nang-iwan at tumalikod. Ako yung walang nagawa. Ako lahat...

Nanlalabo na ang mga mata ko dahil sa mga luhang hindi ko na mapigilan sa pagtulo ngunit hanggang ngayon, tila nakatitig pa rin ako sa malinaw na imahe ng kanyang mukha.

It's unfair. I forgot it all... I'm sure that I managed to cast him out of my life. How come... how come it's here again?

"No..." I whispered.

"Stop it, Syn."

Kumpara sa mga emosyong nakapaskil sa kanyang mukha noong una ay tila kalmado na siya ngayon. The hostility in his face felt normal and okay.

Umiling ako. "It doesn't have anything to do with you anymore. Saakin na lang ito－"

"Do you think it'll happen if you hadn't met me?"

My heart constricted. I thought of it, thousands of times...

"It makes no difference. Whoever the person I serve before, I'd put them into danger－"

"You are confident of their safety before."

Binuksan ko ulit ang bibig ko upang magsalita ngunit walang lumabas sa aking bibig. Hindi ako makahanap ng tamang sagot para doon. It was true...

"It was all after I came, right? Say it."

Bakit ba ang hirap niyang kumbinsihin? Ayoko lang namang madamay pa siya ulit. Even if it's less dangerous than what it is before, there's still no guarantee that he'll be safe. Ayokong maulit ang lahat. Baka hindi ko na naman siya ma-protektahan. Baka...

Tahimik na tumulo ulit ang mga luha ko. My God, why did You have to make me meet him again? It's so hard...

"Why can't you just hate me?"

Nanliit ang mga mata niya. Nagulat ako noong abutin niya ang mukha ko at hinaplos ang aking mga pisngi gamit ang kanyang hinlalaki para palisin ang mga luha ko. My heartbeat started beating fast. It was painful, yet it's like showering me glitters of aid.

"Why are you always crying every time we're together?"

My lips parted while staring at him, still. Though it's a rhetorical question, my mind constantly answered it on its own.

Inalis ko ang kamay niya sa mukha ko at ako mismo ang nagpahid ng sarili kong mga luha.

"Don't change the topic."

He smirked.

It's because I bottled up everything and keep it deeply in a place where I could barely even touch. But then when he showed up again, it came rushing to me, together with the memories of him.

With him, it was easier to cry...

"I hated you for too long already..." he said and looked up to the sky. Unti-unti na iyong kinakain ng dilim.

It was very ironic for the same person I feel very uncomfortable with. But when my feelings overtake my fears, I forget...

"Too long that it doesn't sound like a big deal now... just like being mad, frustrated... and feeling sorry..." mas humina ang pagkakabigkas niya sa dulo ngunit rinig ko pa rin iyon.

Iniwas ko ang tingin ko sa kanya.

"How long have you been shouldering all the hate, anyway? Alone..."