Sitting back in Draco's dorm, we were all getting properly smashed. The drinks were flowing and we passed a joint around while Theo stuck to his cigarettes. We needed an escape from life.
"Let's play a game," Pansy said, clapping her hands. "No way Pans, these never end well." Theo said. "Oh come on, don't be a wuss. This will be fun." I said. "Truth or Dare?" she asked. I nodded. "Gyffindor princess doesn't know what she's getting herself into," Blaise teased. I rolled my eyes. "Fine then, Blaise. You ask first." I said. He smirked at me. "All right, Truth or dare?"
"Dare." I said. "I dare you to kiss Pansy." he said. My and Pansy laughed. "Only if she wants to." I said looking at her. She smiled. "Why the hell not?" she said. "You always did give me bi panic" I whispered in her ear. She leaned in and pressed her lips to mine. They were soft and she tasted like sweet tarts. I ran my fingers through her hand and she held my waist. We pulled apart and giggled at the boys faces. "Bloody fucking hell" Theo said. I laughed and kissed his cheek. "My turn." I said. They all nodded. "Blaise, truth or dare?" I asked. "Dare, give me your best shot." he said. "Alright, I dare you to kiss the best looking person in the room." I said.
He paused for a minute and surveyed the room. "Ok." he said. He walked over and pressed his lips to Draco's. Draco froze for a second before kissing him back. Theo whistled and Pansy and I clapped. They pulled apart and Blaise patted the side of Draco's face. "Nice kiss mate, Oliver is a lucky man." he said. We laughed as Draco's typically pale face turned red. "Piss off." he said. I'm glad we all knew Draco was gay. I'm happy he could be himself around us and not have to shoulder that secret alone. "Ok, Draco's turn." Blaise said. Draco looked around.
"Theo, truth or dare?" he asked. Theo took a drag of the cigarette and answered. "Truth" he said. "Boring" Pansy mumbled and I nudged her with a grin. "What's your body count?" he asked.
"6." Theo said plainly. "Yeah, including this girl named Clarissa that he-" I started. He elbowed me. "Shut up" he exclaimed. I laughed. "Fine." I said. "Ok, Pansy. Truth or dare?" he asked.
"You know me, dare." she said. "I dare you to do a body shot off of Anna." Theo said. I laughed as Pansy looked at me. "Fine." I said. I got in the middle of the circle and Pansy grabbed the firewhiskey. I pulled off my sweater and laid down. The room went silent and Theo's eyes widened. I sat up and looked down. "Fuck-" I mumbled. I forgot the spell to cover the cuts. How could I forget the spell? I pulled my sweater on and got up to leave.
"What the fuck Belle?!" Theo exclaimed. "Theo, calm down mate." Draco said. My eyes watered and I stood with my hand on the doorknob. "Please Belle- just don't-" he started. I could hear the strain in his voice and feel everyone's eyes on me. I walked out and shut the door. I could hear Draco and Theo argue inside the room. I stood on the other side of the door and listened.
"Give her a second. She doesn't want to talk to you right now." Draco said. "What the hell do you know? You only stopped being a dick to her a few weeks ago?" Theo yelled. "Guys, let's not do this-" Pansy said. "You're right. But I care about her now." Draco said. "Bullshit." Theo yelled.
"If I didn't care about her, I wouldn't have dragged her out of that lake when she tried to kill herself. So don't tell me how I feel ok?!" Draco yelled. Silence. Dead silence.
"She tried to kill herself?" Pansy asked. "Yes." Draco said. "Why the hell didn't you tell us?" Blaise asked. "She didn't want me to." he replied. "You should have told me anyway." Theo said. "She kept my secret, I kept hers." he said. "What if she tries again?" Theo asked. "She won't." Draco said. "How could you know that?" Pansy said. "Because, ok. We have a deal. We have an agreement between us two." he said. "What does that mean?" Blaise asked. "It's between us. Ok? I'm sorry but I'm not going to tell you and betray her trust." he said.
"Tell me this. First, she starts the drinking, and the cigarettes and weed. Then the suicide. And now, I see cuts. Tell me this, your agreement, is it really going to stop all that?" Theo asked.
"Theo, do you trust me?" Draco asked. "Yes, but-" he started. "That's all I need to know. Now I have to go talk to her and you need to stay here. Please." Draco said.
That's when I started to leave. I went to the same spot as where we always meet. This little alcove under the Astronomy Tower. It's quiet and typically undisturbed. I sat down and looked out the window. A few minutes later, I heard footsteps and Draco walked in.
"I knew you would be here." he said. I nodded and he sat next to me. "You told them." I said.
He looked at me and sighed. "I didn't mean to." he said. "I know. I suppose they were going to find out eventually. The scars were just the cherry on top." I said. He chuckled. "What are we gonna do?" I said choking back tears. "I don't know Anna, I really don't." he said.
"My dad thinks I need to fall apart before I can put myself back together." I said. "Maybe he's right." Draco said. "This is the same dad that called you all death eaters in training." I said. He shrugged. "Again, maybe he's right." he said. I started laughing. He looked at me strangely.
"Why are you laughing?" he asked. "I was just thinking about my life. Before this year, I was the perfect little princess. I always listened to dads. I got good grades. I was best friends with the golden trio. I hated the Slytherins like I was supposed to. I had a Gryffindor boyfriend. I almost never smoked or drank. Then it all came crashing down." I said. He shrugged. "From what I heard, that boyfriend of yours wasn't the greatest." he said. I nodded. "Still, I'm so fucked up now. I keep thinking I shouldn't let myself be this way because of it but I just don't care anymore." I said. "Care about what?" he asked. "Any of it. I love Theo, but if I'm honest I don't even know if I should. I'm sinking and I don't want to drag him down with me." I said.
"That's not for you to decide." he said. I looked at him. "You don't get to choose who's there for you. If Theo wants to stay he will." he said. "And if he wants to leave?" I asked. He nodded.
"He'll leave." Draco replied. I just nodded. So Theo, stay or leave. Which is it?
We were quiet for a while until I spoke. "What about Oliver?" I asked. He looked at me with confusion. "What about Oliver?" he said. "You can't hide forever. And I know you don't want to." I said. "I don't have a choice. Not everyone gets to blurt out how they fucking feel every minute" he said. "If you could, what would you say?" I asked him. He stared out as he thought about it. "I would tell Oliver I love him. Then I would go home and tell my father. And then he would kill me." he said. "He wouldn't kill you-" I started. "He would. Being gay is worse than being a mudblood." he said. I sighed. "So your plan is to just be miserable the rest of your life?" I asked. He scoffed. "Isn't that your plan too?" he asked. "Touche" I replied. He nodded.
"This is so messed up. You should have let me drown." I said. "Maybe. It doesn't matter now." he said. I shrugged. I rested my head on his shoulder and he relaxed as he held my hand.
I think he thought I was asleep but he started to hum while he smoked. I smiled and closed my eyes.
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