|In The Dark|

46

My House Is Not My Home

TIME JUMP: 1 WEEK
ANNABELLE LUPIN-BLACK

They left. They finally all left. Ginny, Harry, Ron, Hermione, Blaise, and Pansy all left. Draco is the only one who refuses to leave. I don't mind him. It was just the others. They want me to talk and eat and try to go back to normal. But I don't want to do any of that. I want to exist, fight this war and then die. They stayed for 4 days and I barely moved let alone spoke. That's when they finally left. I don't know if they gave up or just think I need time. Frankly, I don't care. I'm just glad they're gone. I want to be alone. I want to be completely alone. The only person I want to be around is my dad. Both of them. I want us sitting on the couch at home watching a movie on muggle tv with dad's famous hot chocolate. But instead, I'm stuck here. In hell.
"So, who are you staying with this summer?" Pansy asked Theo. Blaise, Pansy, Draco and Theo all sat in my dorm while I packed up my trunk. "He's staying with all of us." Blaise said. I looked over at them. "I thought you were going with Draco?" I said. Theo shook his head. "I got a letter from mum, she said Theo can't come this summer." Draco said. I felt a pit in my stomach form. They all resumed talking and I pulled Theo aside. "I know what you are thinking. Trust me, I'm thinking about it too." he said. "No, just because his father is on House Arrest doesn't mean he's safe." I said. "Maybe it does. His father can't hurt him because of the wards and restrictions." Theo said. I sighed. "I still don't like it." I said. "Me either. But we can visit and write. And now I get to stay with you sometimes." he said. "I'll be fine." Draco said. We both whipped around and saw him standing behind us. "No need to go mad," he said. I forced a smile but really, I was scared. I know he was too. But neither of us would show it. That's just what we do around people. I'll wear my mask and he'll wear his. Later that night, everyone had fallen asleep. I heard the door open and close. I got up and grabbed a jumper and my wand. Then I left too. When I got to our secret spot, Draco was already there smoking. I sat next to him and he just stared ahead of him. "Are you scared?" I asked. He nodded. "Why can't you stay with me?" I asked. He pulled out a piece of parchment and handed it to me. "Read that-" he said. I nodded and read.
Dear Draco,

Unfortunately this summer Theodore cannot join us at the Manor. I'm sure he can find other suitable accommodations. Please be sure to arrive by the first train.

Narcissa Malfoy

I handed it back to him and shrugged. "So?" I asked. "It's not from her," he said. I furrowed my brow. "What?" I asked. "It's not from my mum. I can tell." he said. "How can you tell?" I started. "First off, she doesn't call him Theodore, she calls him Theo. Secondly, she wouldn't call it the Manor. She would say home. And last, she never signs her letters to me as Narcissa Malfoy. It always says Mum." he said. He was right. The letter didn't sound like Cissy. "So who's it from?" I asked. He just shook his head. "I don't know. The Ministry is monitoring all the letters and Owls going to and from the Manor because of fathers house arrest. Maybe it's from my father?" he suggested. I nodded nervously. "Draco, promise me if something happens, if he hurts you, you'll get out of there." I said. He nodded. "I need to hear you say it. I already wrote to my dad and your magic signature has been added to our wards. You can apparate to my house or use the floo. Just promise you won't stay. OK?" I said. He forced a smile. "I promise," he said. I nodded. Then we sat there and just smoked in silence. That's the thing with Draco and I. We don't need to talk. That's why I don't mind him. He doesn't make me talk about my feelings and I do the same. We are just there for each other.
And that's enough.

I just have to keep telling myself he'll be ok because I don't know what I'll do if he's not.

THE NEXT DAY

"Annabelle-" Hermione said softly. I woke up and looked around. Great. Still alive, still in hell.
I got up and got dressed. I pulled on my shoes and grabbed my wand. Then I took my trunk and Bex and went downstairs. I dropped my stuff off and headed to the Great Hall. Everyone stared as I walked in. I went straight to the Slytherin table and they looked at me. "One last celebratory smoke?" I asked. They nodded. We got up and Pansy swung her arm over me as we walked out. We sat in our special spot and started smoking. Pansy lifted her flask out and we all did the same. "To Hogwarts!" she said. "To Hogwarts!" We all agreed. "To Sirius Black. The best non-professor we ever had." Blaise added.
My eyes watered as I toasted to my dad. "He really did like you guys." I said. Blaise chuckled. "Had a funny way of showing it." he teased. "No, it's just- you all reminded him of his brother. Regulus." I said. They nodded. We sat and they talked. I was quiet, so was Draco. We both knew, no matter how much people could pretend, things were changing. We can't escape the loss, the pain and the things we'll have to do to survive. We knew it was unavoidable. It was scary. For everyone. Eventually, the train arrived. Everyone loaded on and found seats. I went to an empty one. I needed to be alone. I don't want to go home. Dad hasn't gone home either. He's been staying with Tonks. He's picking me up at Kings Cross and we are going there together. It won't be the same. I'm dreading it. Walking in, I can already picture it. The kitchen, where we made messes trying to cook. The living room where I learned spells and watched tv. The backyard where we played quidditch and I took pictures. My dad's bedroom where I would sleep when I was scared. The old shed that dads charmed for Remus's transformations. That's when it hit me. I completely forgot. Dad hasn't had a transformation without Sirius as an animagus since school. He's going to be alone. He'll be alone and in pain and I can't help him. That is worse than hell.

Finally, the train came to a stop. I said goodbye to all my friends and went to find my dad. I saw him standing there, looking at the floor. I walked over and he forced a smile. "Hey kiddo." he said. "Hey dad." I said quietly. "Let's get out of here." he said. I just nodded. We apparated back home and when we arrived, I froze. I stood outside the house just staring at it. We walked in and the second the door closed behind us, it all hit me. The house was dark and it was quiet. There were no sounds of my dad's laughter or his favorite music playing on his record player. It was just like me...empty. "Honey, are you ok?" he asked. I shook my head. "He should be here. I wanted to walk in and see him. I wanted this to all be some elaborate prank you guys came up with." I said. He dropped my trunk and hugged me. "I'm sorry," he whispered. "Tell me it's a prank! Please!" I begged. "I can't-" he started. "It has to be, he can't be gone." I cried. "He's never gone." he said. I stepped back and looked at him. "After we lost James and Lily, Sirius told me something. He said, the ones we love never truly leave us. And you can always find them here." he said pointing to my heart. I shook my head. "I don't care. I want him back. I want my dad." I said. He just hugged me and we sat on the couch. I let him hold me as I realized something.

This may be my house but it will never be my home. Not anymore.