|In The Dark|

39

I Don't Know Who I Hate Anymore

ANNABELLE LUPIN-BLACK

I have been standing outside Theo's door for about 10 minutes now trying to muster up the courage to knock on his door. Sometimes I wonder why that damn hat put me in Gryffindor. I am the least brave person in my house. I'm nothing like Harry or my dads. Sometimes I just- My thoughts were interrupted by the sound of glass shattering. I could barely hear it over the music but I heard it. "Screw it." I mumbled to myself. I drew my wand and pointed it at the door. "Alohomora," I said. The lock clicked and I ran inside. The second I saw everything I froze. His room was a mess. There were bottles, clothes, and trash all over the place. There were remnants of lines of cocaine on the dresser and then I saw Theo. He was lying on the floor. I could see the sweat on his body and the tears on his face. He was drinking the firewhiskey straight from the bottle. "Of fucking course it's you." he said. "Theo-" I started.

"No, fuck you. Fuck you Belle" he said. I stopped as my eyes watered. "Fuck you and your gorgeous eyes and your perfect smile and that laugh that just makes everything better." he said. I just watched him as he tried to stand up. He stumbled over and leaned against the dresser. "You wanna know what I hate the most about you..." he asked. "Theo, I'm-" I started. "I hate that I don't hate you. I hate that I love you so much I could never hate you and that just makes me hate myself." he said. Tears fell down my cheeks. I walked over and swung his shoulder over my body. "Let's get you cleaned up." I said. I dragged him over into the bathroom and took off his shirt and trousers. I left his boxers on and sat him down in the bath. I let it fill with warm water and he just sat there. I got a cup of water and he drank it quickly. I knelt down next to his bath and handed him a potion to help him sober up. "Drink this," I said. He shook his head. "Theo, you need to get sober. Please." I said. "If I'm sober, all I think about is you." he said as more tears fell down his cheeks. I swallowed the lump in my throat and wiped my tears. "Then think about me because I'm with you now. Just drink the potion." he said. He looked at me with fear and sadness. I could see the hurt little boy and it broke me. "Please don't leave me Belle." he said as his voice cracked. I wiped his tears and kissed him gently. "I'm here now and I won't leave you." I said. He nodded and drank the potion. Once he was sobered up, I helped him wash up and then I helped him put on new clothes. I changed his sheets and bedding with the wave of my wand and tucked him in. I was about to sleep in the chair next to him when he grabbed my hand. "Stay," he said. I smiled and nodded. My sleeves were wet from cleaning up Theo so I just took off my shirt. All I had on was my bra and my trousers. I laid next to Theo and he looked at the bruises on my ribs. His eyes watered and he reached his hand out and grazed them gently.

"I'm okay Theo." I said to him. He just shook his head. "I promised myself I would never let anyone hurt you again," he said. "This isn't your fault. Edmund was never-" I started. "It is," he said. I looked at him with confusion. "I was so focused on what you said to me and how hurt I was, I never thought about why. I should have known you would never do that." he said. "Theo, please don't blame yourself." I said. "If I had tried to figure out what happened, you wouldn't have had to suffer for a month," he said. We both sat up and I held his hands. "Theo, I hurt you. You had every right to be furious and in pain. Please, it isn't-" I started. "It is my fault! I was just in here having a pity party and getting drunk and stoned every night while he was there raping you. I'm supposed to protect you. I was supposed to protect you at the Yule Ball too. And every time, I fail." he said. I shook my head and we both had tears streaming down our cheeks. "Theo, you can't save me from the world." I said. He looked at me and laid back down. "I can try," he replied. I laid next to him and traced shapes on his chest. "Are we ever going to be normal? Like just normal kids with normal problems" he asked. I smiled at him. "Probably not." I said. He nodded. "Theo-" I said. He looked at me. "Yeah?" he asked. "You are enough for me. You always have been. You know that right?" I asked. He smiled. "I love you." he said. "I love you too. I never stopped." I said. Then we fell asleep.

TIME JUMP: 1 MONTH

"What are we doing here?" I asked Ginny. She had dragged me all the way to HogsHead and we were standing outside the door. "It's a surprise." she said. "I hate surprises." I stated. "Too bad." she said. She grabbed my hand and pulled me inside. When we walked in, Fred, George, Neville, Dean, Seamus, Luna, Cho, Julia, Alexa and about 10 other kids all sat inside. "What's going on?" I asked. "Just sit down and be quiet." she said. I rolled my eyes and sat in between Julia and Alexa. "Hey Anna-" Alexa said with a smile. "Hey, how are you guys?" I asked. "Good,"Alexa said. I looked at Julia and she just nodded. Her eyes were red and puffy. She still cries every night for Cedric and it breaks my heart. They were perfect for eachother. It's just not fair. I looked around the room and accidentally locked eyes with Neville. He stared at me with pain and hurt in his eyes. I quickly looked away as my eyes watered. I just wanted to fix things with him. But I couldn't. Those so-called parents ruined his life and his parents. That's unforgivable. A few minutes later, Ron, Hermione and Harry came in. Now it makes sense, they are planning something. I should have known. These 3 are always up to something.

"We need a teacher." Hermione said. Everyone looked around. "Ever since Umbridge banished Professor Lupin-" she started. I felt all eyes on me. I focused back on what they were saying. "Because you-know-who's back you tosspot" Ron snapped. "So he says," a kid said. "So Dumbledore says." Hermione stated. "So Dumbledore says because he says." the other kid added. "Point is where's the proof, if you tell us more about how Cedric Diggory died-" a kid started. I felt Julia tense up and her eyes watered. I shook my head at Harry, warning him not to say anything. "I'm not going to talk about Cedric, so if that's why you're here, you might as well clear out." he said. I held Julia's hand and squeezed it. "Are you ok?" I whispered. She just nodded. Soon enough, we were all lining up to sign on to Dumbledore's Army. Then we talked about where we would do this and when as we walked back. When we got back to our common room, I was going to my room when Harry stopped me and pulled me aside. "Annabelle, can I talk to you?" he asked. I nodded and we went to his dorm. "About Dumbledore's Army..." he said. "Yeah?" I asked. He looked at me nervously. "You can't tell your... other friends." he said. I exhaled slowly. "You mean Blaise and Pansy and Draco and Theo?" I said. He nodded. "Why not?" I asked. We both know why but I wanted to hear him say it. I wanted to hear him admit those prejudices he claimed not to have. "Annabelle-" he started. "Say it. Tell me why I shouldn't tell them. I want to hear you say it." I said. "Because they are Slytherins! Ok?! Is that what you want to hear? They are going to tell Umbridge the second they find out if it means scoring house points and getting ahead." he said. I forced a smile and shook my head. "How do you know I won't tell her?" I said. His face fell. "What?" he asked. "I'm friends with them. I'm dating Theo. Crouch and Bellatrix are both Slytherins. It's in my blood. I'm practically a Slytherin by association. How do you know I won't tell her? You know, to get ahead?" I said. "You won't. I know you Anna. You too good-" he started. "You know Harry, you say that Ron's the one with the bias against Slytherins and that it's wrong to have prejudices against people but then you go and do the same thing." I said. "I'm just trying to-" he started.
"Sometimes I wonder if I truly know you at all." I said. Then I walked out and headed for the house where I know I can be a real person. The house where I can fall apart and not worry about being fixed. Sometimes I wish I was a Slytherin. At least there, nobody expects you to play the hero.