Teachers Pet

55: Self-loathing And Despair

        "So... Will you tell me about the scar on your face now?" Jake rose an eyebrow as he picked up an ice pack and started cracking it. He seemed to think over whether or not he wanted to tell me. I shared something very personal with him, I think I deserved to finally know about his scar. When he was done cracking the ice pack, he handed it to me. I placed it on my lip as he sighed.

       "Do you remember me telling you how I wanted to be a photographer instead of a teacher?" I nodded. Of course I remembered. How could I forget that? I almost remember his exact words on the matter. Practicality and logicality made more sense than unrealistic goals. Rehearsed words.

       "Yeah, I do." I could see it. I could see Jake as a photographer and loving it. I could also see him as an art teacher. The way he saw things, I sometimes forget how beautiful of a person he is. I wanted to see the world through his eyes for once.

       "It's all I ever wanted to be. I actually turned down a paid internship for a well-known entertainment magazine. It would have been the start of my career, but I turned it down... I turned it down because of Vanessa." The way he said her name was different than before. Once it had been out of disgust. Now, it was out of sadness. I dropped the ice pack from my mouth as I gawked at him. He smiled at me, picking the ice pack back up and placing it on my lip.

       "You could've been a famous photographer. You could've taken pictures of celebrities," I told him astonished. He could've been something more than just a high school art teacher. Then again, I would have never met him. Perhaps that would have been for the best.

       "Yes, I very well could have." He swallowed hard as he frowned. His eyes were a little distant as he looked at the ice pack on my lip. "I loved Vanessa. At the time, I thought she was my future. I did just about anything to please her. So when she told me that being a photographer wasn't practical or logical, it made sense at the time." Practicality and logicality made more sense than unrealistic goals. His words made sense now. Vanessa had been the one to crush his dreams. I hated her and I didn't even know her. I also hated the fact that my heart felt like it was being crushed when he said he had loved her.

       "You gave up your internship for her," I guessed. He nodded with a laugh that was humorless.

       "I did. After a while, I started to see how wrong we were for each other at that time. We wanted different things. I had decided that she was wrong and that being a photographer wasn't a waste. So I purchased the perfect camera to make a portfolio to submit to a university I had my eyes on. She found a way to ruin that as well." I could see how angry and sad he was as he spoke. His words broke my heart. Jake could've been somewhere else if not for his ex. Nolan had said something about her that wasn't sitting right with me. She's this crazy bitch that he dumped last year.

       I starred at the faint scar on his right cheek and frowned. My hand seemed to be thinking on its own as it reached up to touch it. My fingers lightly traced his skin before cupping his cheek in my hand. His skin was so warm. He closed his eyes, leaning into my hand more.

       "Did she give you this scar?" He smiled as he turned his face a bit to kiss the inside of my wrist. My heart jumped at that. I wanted more than just a peck on my wrist and the touch of his cheek. I wanted to breathe him in and dissolve in his arms.

       "You have no idea what this feels like," he whispered. My lip trembled as a tear slipped down my bruised cheek. I knew exactly what this felt like... for the both of us. He laughed against my skin. The tickle of his breath sent chills down my back. I rubbed my thumb against the scruff and felt how wrong this was, but I didn't care.