Teachers Pet

3: Desperate And Pathetic

        Just as Mr. Pierce had promised, class was different. He explained things without a textbook and took the time to elaborate subjects to those who were confused. I don't think anyone felt embarrassed to ask a question they felt was dumb. I found myself paying attention to everything and hanging on to every word of his. Maybe it wasn't for the right reasons though. Regardless, everyone seemed so attentive and involved. When he would slip up and swear, we all laughed. When I laughed, I felt my cheeks get hot the way they did when I first spoke to him. I had to stop thinking of my teacher this way. My teacher... it was such a weird thought.

       When the bell rang for second period, I as well as others groaned. No one wanted to leave. The day might've started off great, better actually, but we still had the rest of our classes to get through. I stood up to gather my things and started to walk to the door at the front of the class. "Miss Harper." I looked up and bumped into a table. My textbooks fell, making me sigh with frustration. Mr. Pierce smiled as he quickly came to help me.

       "Thanks," I mumbled. He smirked at me as he handed me my books. When his fingers brushed against mine, I felt my skin tingle. His jaw tensed as his smile tightened. I tried to not think anything about the action. It didn't mean anything anyway. Suddenly, he gave me a look of concern.

       "Miss Harper, are you feeling alright?" What? What had I done that would insinuate that I wasn't feeling well? Besides my awkward composure and unintentional rudeness that is. "You look a little flushed." Oh, my face was red then. With that observation, I only felt my face get hotter. I tried to laugh it off as I forced a smile.

       "I'm fine. Um... I'm gonna be late."

        "Miss Harper, wait." As I tried to make a quick getaway, he oh so gently touched my forearm. "Sorry, um..." He cleared his throat and smiled apologetically at me. My heart nearly skipped a beat. The amused look he had earlier slowly came back. "I saw what Mr. Banks wrote about you." Was I the essay then?

       "Am I the last page?" I asked, feeling a bit upset.

       "You're a couple of pages really." A couple of pages of bullshit. Without a doubt, my failed final was in there.

       "Can I ask what he said?" Mr. Pierce seemed to be considering if he should share what he knows. It probably wasn't wise, but I really wanted to know.

       "He used the words 'incompetent' and 'potential delinquent' numerous times." I made a face and an annoyed sort of sound.

       "How am I worse than mouth breather?" I didn't mean to say it out loud, it just came out. He laughed, apparently already knowing who I was talking about.

       "Mr. Banks believes you do things out of spite. You taunt him with your incessant back talk and cryptic remarks. At least with the other students, he was able to get them in trouble. You can't exactly write a student up for them saying 'enjoy your candy'." This I remember. It was last year. I had to run to school because my moms' car broke down again. I was maybe fifteen minutes late to class. As soon as I came in, Mr. Banks started complaining, telling me I was slacking off. When class was over, he'd given me detention for being late. I left with a smile, telling him to enjoy his candy. I'm more than certain he knew it was me saying 'fuck you too'.

       "Was my final in there?" He nodded, dropping the smirk and amused look. Now he just looked curious.

       "Mr. Banks is a man set in his own ways, but I'm your teacher this year. Maybe if you explained your reasoning behind your final, I could change your grade. It might get you out of repeating this class." If I told him the real reason... If only it were that simple. That project meant everything to me. No, I couldn't tell him. I don't need him looking at me differently. The only reason I was willing to tell Mr. Banks my reasoning was due to the fact that he was my teacher. I had no choice. This year, I have one. I won't make the same mistake again.

       "That's alright. I'll finish this year like everyone else. Thanks though." Mr. Pierce looked at me like he was trying to solve some difficult equation.

       "Okay. I won't keep you. If you're late, you can come back for a note excusing your tardiness. I'll gladly sign one for you." He smiled at me, his curiosity lingering in his eyes. Those eyes... those early autumn leaf eyes... I had to stop thinking this way.

      "Sure, thanks again." I quickly left out the door, trying to clear my head. The way he held himself, the way he spoke and how his voice gave me goosebumps and the way his eyes made my heart race and- "Stop," I hissed under my breath. He was my teacher. Nothing more. Oh, but his hair. It looked so soft. His lips though, they looked even softer and-

        "Blair." The hallway was almost empty. I couldn't pretend to not have heard this voice. I could clearly hear him approaching from behind and I'd stupidly stopped walking. Walk away, Blair. Just walk away. "Blair." He said my name again, only softer. I shut my eyes, wishing I could make myself disappear. "Please look at me." His voice was in front of me now. I couldn't just walk away now. Not with him blocking my path. Unwillingly, I forced my eyes open.

       "Dean," I greeted him. I could hear and feel the pain in my voice. From the look on his face, he could too. Still, even after everything, he didn't look guilty. I wanted to hate him, but at the moment, it was hard to do. He looked tired, exhausted almost. His dark brown hair was longer. It hung past his eyes a bit. Those eyes... those beautiful blue betraying eyes. "What do you want?"

       "We need to talk. You need to hear what I have to say." Funny. He didn't want to talk before. He shoved his hands into his leather jacket pockets as he waited for me to respond. I had nothing to say to him. He's the reason we broke up and never had closure. I didn't want it anyway. Not from him or-

       "I have nothing to say to you," I spat at him. The acid in my voice could quite literally burn. I wish it would. Then again, part of me wishes he'd take my hand and tell me he still loves me. I tried to tell that part to shut the hell up. "Not after what you did." Dean tried to hide the insulted look on his face, but it was there. He had no right. I watched as he took a careful step towards me. Even though I was very uncomfortable, I didn't back away. I should have.

        "Please," he whispered. He sounded desperate. Desperate and pathetic. Dean Matthews never said 'please' to anyone. If he wanted something, he took it. He was a jerk at times, but when he was with me... he was a different person altogether. I think he liked being the bad boy type, but not with me. He never dragged me into his troubles and always looked out for me. I loved him because of it. We'd been together since freshman year and though we fought and were petty at times, we always made up. This though, what he did...

       "I can't forgive you. You need to leave me alone." It wasn't a demand, it was a plea. I was begging him to stay away. I can't keep feeling this way. I loved him with all my heart. It hurts speaking to him. It hurts even seeing him. It hurts remembering how he blamed me for our breakup. That's what I need to remember though. I need to remember the pain he caused me.

       "Blair, please just -"

        "How's Jillian?" I snapped at him. It shut him up instantly. He looked upset as he shook his head at me. He had no right to get frustrated with me. With a hard sigh, Dean walked around me to head back the way he came. I watched over my shoulder as he entered a classroom at the end of the hall. With my eyes quickly watering up, free to express my pain without an audience, I tried to think of what his mindset on all of this was. Did he really think I would forgive him on the first day back to school? I hadn't seen him since the end of sophomore year. Him and Jillian both.

       Even thinking of her name made my blood boil. She was my best friend. The only other person I went to that wasn't Dean. She was the person I told my dreams and secrets too. I trusted both of them with my life, with everything I held dear. My mom loved both of them like her own children. Telling her how they betrayed me broke her heart. Not like mine though. My mom and I have known both of them since I was a child. To be blindsided the way I was...

        Just before a tear could escape from my eyes, I noticed Mr. Pierce standing in the doorway of his class. He was looking at me with concern. Was it because of how I looked or because he had heard everything? I didn't want to know. I turned and hurried to my next class. There was nothing left for me here.