Teachers Pet

34: A Blur

        Time was moving without me. It felt like time wasn't on my side at all. Every day I had to deal with Nolan. He'd hurt me and then make promises and apologies that never really meant anything. His sweet nothings hurt me just as much as his hands did. It always felt like there were two of him. I still hoped that he would change. I wanted him to be the person I once knew him to be. I wanted to laugh with him and make stupid jokes while we asked each other dumb questions. The days we spent as just friends before all of this happened, that was the Nolan I was still holding out for. Where did he go? And how do I get him back?

       November had gone by in such a blur, I couldn't even keep up with anything around me besides the leaves dying. I felt like I was dying with them. I was just fading away in the background with each punch and slap from Nolan. I looked around and hated everyone here. Didn't they see me sitting here in pain? Couldn't they see my misery? Were the bruises on my skin not visible even through my clothes? I was that good of an actor. Hiding the truth had become second nature. Who was I anymore? Was I the useless girl Nolan made me feel like? Was I the helpless daughter of a battered mother? Who was Blair Harper anymore?

       "You're not listening again." I looked up to Jill, not really caring to give her my full attention. She was eating a fruit cup, waiting for me to respond. Paying attention to her when she spoke was hard to do. I either fell asleep or lost focus halfway through. I know it annoyed her, but I couldn't explain why I was so out of it.

       "I think I'm gonna go home." She put the cup down and shook her head. Jill never liked it when I ditched. She always threatened to tell my mom, but this time around, I didn't care if she told my mom or the principal or the whole world.

       "You can't go. You haven't caught up on any of your late work." I sighed, already getting up. My joints protested against every movement, but I was use to forcing myself. I knew I should've brought pain killers with me. My mom always noticed when some went missing though. She probably counted them.

       "I don't care about my late work. I'll see you later." She got up and started cleaning up her mess. "What are you doing?" She swung her bag over her shoulder and smiled.

       "Going home with you. We can stay at my house. My mom will understand." I walked behind her as she headed to the nearest garbage can. When she dumped her tray, I felt myself sway a bit. Before she turned around, I composed myself.

       "I don't need a babysitter." She frowned, shaking her head. Whatever her intentions were, they weren't wanted.

       "You know that isn't what I meant. Come on, Tanya is home still. We can all watch a movie or something." After Tanya's strange behavior at the Halloween party, she was the last person I wanted to see right now. If Nolan even found out that I considered hanging out with Tanya...

       "I'm not interested in having quality time with you and your sister." Jill backed up a bit, unsure of how to answer. I haven't spoken to her like this since before when I hated her. I could see that I was hurting her feelings. Jill would have to get over it though. Maybe one day she'd understand why I was acting this way.

        "I just- "

       "Just back off." I walked around her and left her there. She needed to worry about herself. I didn't need her in my business. This was my problem and mine alone. No one needed to get involved. Leaving school was easier than I thought it would be. Security didn't even care. I walked right out the main door. This school and its staff was a joke. The walk home was fast and a blur as well. I think I might've been micro-sleeping without realizing it. Or maybe I was just having small blackouts from lack of sleep.