Teachers Pet

32: Worth The Risk

        "You came." Jake closed his car door as he walked over to me. His hair was getting a little messed up in the wind, but he looked just as handsome as ever. The concern on his face never seemed to leave.

       "I did," he said. I shivered as the wind picked up. Leaves rustled around my feet. I'd been staring at the torn movie screen, imagining the movies that would've played here. Times spent here must have been wonderful. I don't know why I picked here to do this, but I had nowhere else. This was his spot to think, but now it would just be a bad memory for both of us. He would hate me for this.

       "Do you remember when you brought me here?" He stopped just next to me, admiring the scenery. He nodded, a small smile forming on his lips. I smiled too, feeling my eyes sting.

       "I told you that you were the only one I'd brought here." With the sun setting, his bronze hair looked almost red. He was beautiful. I wanted to remember him like this.

       "You said that you didn't regret this." He nodded. His smile slowly fell as he stared ahead. The sun setting behind faint clouds was his focus. I don't think he wanted to look down at me. I think deep down he knew why I told him to meet me here. "I don't regret it either. I just wanted you to know that." He didn't respond at first, but I could see him trying to make sense of my words.

       "You don't?" I shook my head, unsure if he saw. He just didn't seem willing to look at me right now. I think it was easier this way for both of us.

       "I could never regret you. But... " Nolan's threats echoed in my head. I did care for Jake. I had to protect him. If I was to lose him, it would be on my own terms. Nolan would never get the chance to drag him under the bus. I would see to that. "But I can't do this anymore." Jake shook his head, pressing his lips together. We were both stubborn people.

        "Don't do this," he whispered. I moved to stand in front of him, but his eyes never met mine. He kept his gaze above my head. I took his hands into mine and gently squeezed them. He didn't react to it.

        "We're always going to be hiding from the world. We'll never be able to go out in public on a date. We'll never be able to hold hands, go to the movies... spend holidays together... We'll never have a future together." He was tensing his jaw at every word I said. My eyes were brimmed with fresh tears I tried to hold back. The worst part about all of this was that it was true.

       "We can do all those things- "

       "When?" He looked down at me now. He looked like he was trying to find the right words, but nothing came out. "When?" I asked again. "In a year when I graduate? In two? In three? You will always be my teacher. Do you think my mom would ever accept us as a couple? How will this look to everyone? They'll know we were involved when I was your student." He closed his eyes as he listened to me.

       "Blair, please."

       "I don't want a future where I'm constantly judged. I don't want to keep putting us both at risk. You could get fired or go to jail. You would ruin your own life over this."

       "You're worth the risk!" He held my face in his hands, making me look at him. I shook my head, reaching up to remove his hands. I held them to my chest, feeling tears escape. They burned as they left streaks.

       "Being with you comes with too many risks. I can't do this anymore, Jake. I can't. I'm putting my life on hold to be with you... Is that what you want? For me to stop living my life, taking risks... to be with you?" We stood there for a long moment, staring at each other. My heart felt betrayed by my words. My mind was fighting with me, making me hate myself. Every second spent with him here was adding on to the pain I was causing myself.