Teachers Pet

56: Blissfully Ignorant

David said nothing as I stood crying in front of him. I could see his hands twitch every few seconds as if to reach out and comfort me in some way. If he did, I wouldn't have stopped him. I longed to be held and reassured that my worries were just worries and nothing more. And I longed for these things to be true. David's question from earlier hit me again like a semi going downhill at full speed. I'd asked why it was so hard to believe I could win. And he responded with, "Why is it so easy to think that you can't?" I had no answer. I worry not only about losing the trial but of what comes after. What does come after? What will be the aftermath of it all?

        "Let me help you." I sniffled, wiping away the wetness from my cheeks. He was giving me an option, a choice. Another way. Let me help you. I let David in that day in the hospital. I opened a door hidden behind a bricked wall. Each brick was made up of every bruise, threat, insult, and new fear instilled and inflicted by Marcus. They were made from the tears me and my mother shed in the middle of the night. They were made from twelve years of our unanswered prayers to a God we didn't believe in anymore. But that day in the hospital, the door opened and the truth exploded out and brought the wall down. Only now, I was left with the rubble. Fragments of the only life I knew.

        David pushed himself off the wall and away from me when the door behind me opened. He did so as if he had been caught doing something he shouldn't have. I only looked over my shoulder. The school nurse's eyebrows lift as she takes in David's presence in the small room. I smile, letting her know I was alright. A lie of course. I could feel the sting of the cut on my lip from the feigned gesture but I ignore it. I've felt worse pain and this was nothing.

        "We'll speak later," David says as he makes his way to the main door to leave. When he looks over his shoulder, I feel my stomach turn. The concern is obvious in his eyes. I didn't mean to worry him, I just wanted to be honest about everything. And I felt like I could with him. Would he repeat my words to my mother and suggest I seek professional help? David gives me a soft smile full of understanding. Perhaps my own concern was written on my face for him to read because he says, "It'll be okay." And I believe him.

        The school nurse proceeds to have me sit on the exam table and cleans the open cut on my lip. She goes on a very long rant about how things should be resolved with words, not fists. I wanted to roll my eyes, but I didn't. I let her continue on as I let my mind wander elsewhere. The nurse's voice faded away slowly as I let myself think about things of unimportance.

        What were we eating tonight? I think there were leftovers in the fridge from last night. All of it had been instant food, but it was still food. I had no complaints. The mashed potatoes had been flakes in a small foil bag from the dollar store. Boiled water being the only ingredient needed. The steamed vegetables had come from the freezer section, on sale of course. Two for one. Then there was the five-dollar rotisserie chicken that had been half off due to the expiration date being yesterday. It had been sitting under the warmer all day until the last minutes of the store closing when my mother purposely waited to go in and buy it. A meal for two for under five dollars that would feed us again tonight.

        "All done." I flinched as I was pulled from my train of thought. The nurse smiled at me before moving to throw away used supplies. I didn't wait for her to give me a note as I got up and left. She didn't stop me either. Jake was facing the opposite direction, back to me as he spoke to my mother still. I cleared my throat, making him spin around.

        "What did she say?" I whispered. He moved his phone away from his face to whisper back. I could hear my mother yelling and she wasn't even on speaker. She was furious.

        "She's on her way. Maybe you should go wait in the main office." I nodded in agreement. I wasn't looking forward to what was to come. My mother was coming and she was bringing a storm with her.