Teachers Pet

64: Intermission

          I disconnect from my surroundings. I was here and I wasn't. I was in a place that made more sense than where I really was. I've been here before. This place was the picture that I once painted during those dark and lonely nights. The picture that held an impossible future. I graduated and went off to college in the city. It's an hour's drive from here, but Jake never minds. Every weekend he comes to see me and when he does, we spend those two days doing as much as we can together.

       We go to the five-star cafe he saw online, but we hate everything about it. I drag him to see a silent movie because I've always wanted to see one. And although I hate every second of it and want to leave I say nothing because Jake is enjoying himself. At night we sneak up to the rooftop of my campus building. This is where we look out at the city, complaining about light pollution and counting the few stars we see. Before the sun rises, we kiss like there's no tomorrow. We say I love you before saying goodbye and then head back in. I watch him go, but I remind myself that he'll be back soon.

       I could live here. Here, there was no trial, no Vanessa, no Nolan, no serpents, no trauma, no guilt, no fear... Nothing could hurt me here. I was safe and happy and sure of everything. There was no doubt here. If I could stay here, I would stay forever. But this place did not exist. It would never exist.

       "He is my half-brother." I snapped back into the present like a rubberband. The sounds of the courtroom rushed back to me. Jake was on the stands now. He answered a question I nearly missed. Though I had not heard the questions asked earlier, I did not miss this one. Mr. Locke was the one who asked it. "What is your relation to Nolan Pierce."

       "Did you both grow up together then?" Jake shook his head at that.

       "No, not really. My father raised him separately after the divorce." For a brief moment, his eyes found mine. And for a brief moment, I was in that abandoned drive-in movie theater with him sitting in his car. I had asked him these very questions. I'd felt sorry for Nolan then. The childhood he had was undeserved. I could almost hear our conversation as if we were having it right now.

       "You said you were half brothers?" Jake nodded.

       "I wanted to hate my father... My mother left with me because my father cheated on her and knocked up some waitress..."

       Nolan was a love child. And once the woman found out that Nolans' father was married, she dumped Nolan on him and left. Their father raised Nolan only to blame him for the divorce... The man sounded cruel. I remember asking Jake if he and Nolan grew up together, he said they hadn't.

       "I saw my dad every now and then... to have some kind of relationship with him. Nolan though, we never got along. I despised him. I think my father did too... "

       I felt sorry for Nolan, I truly did. But it did not justify the things he did to me. Nothing would ever justify those things. I think in time, I could forgive him for everything he put me through. I could forgive him for the bruises, the bloody noses, the aches, and the pain that radiated throughout my bones. I could even forgive him for the broken promises to stop and the way he smiled as he cared for me after hurting me. I could forgive it all. I would have to eventually in order to move on with my life. I know holding on to that hate for him would eat at me.

       Yes, I could forgive him. But this, right here. Him pleading innocent and denying every single thing he'd ever done... I would never forgive him for this. Not just this, but the fact that he had been all too willing to throw Jake under the bus if I hadn't promised to break his brother's heart. I had done it too. More than once I had broken Jake's heart. Yet, here he was. Testifying.