Teachers Pet

67: I Can't Breathe

        Five hundred twenty-five thousand four hundred eighty. Five hundred twenty-five thousand four hundred eighty. Five hundred twenty-five thousand four hundred eighty. Five hundred twenty-five thousand four hundred seventy-nine.

       The clock was not my friend. It was just a horrible reminder. Later, when no one is around, I will take the clock down and remove the batteries. Perhaps then the constant ticking wouldn't make me want to scream and pull my hair out. I felt like I was going to snap at any second. Breathe. I needed to breathe. In through the nose, out through the mouth. In through the nose, out through the mouth. Everything will be okay. I will be okay.

       "Didn't you hear the doorbell?" I blinked a few times, becoming somewhat aware of my surroundings. My mother was giving me a playful smirk as she passed the kitchen entrance to open the front door. No, I hadn't heard the doorbell. I hadn't heard anything other than the ticking.

       Tick. Tick. Tick.

      Five hundred twenty-five thousand four hundred seventy-nine. Five hundred twenty-five thousand four hundred seventy-nine. Five hundred twenty-five thousand four hundred seventy-nine. Five hundred twenty-five thousand four hundred seventy-eight.

       Tick. Tick. Tick.

        "There you are!" I jumped at the sound of the familiar voice. Jills mother wasted no time in pulling me into a tight embrace. My breath caught as I started to feel... trapped. I wasn't sure if she felt my body go rigid from her touch, but she let me go only seconds later. She held me by my shoulders, looking me over with a warm smile.

       She gently caressed one side of my face and sighed. I wanted to scream. I wanted to push her away or drop to the floor or run upstairs. Anything to get away from this. In through the nose, out through the mouth. In through the nose, out through the mouth. Everything will be okay. I will be okay.

       "Oh hun, I am so proud of you for seeing this trial through to the end. You are so brave." I smiled without saying anything. I couldn't say anything. My voice was stuck in my throat. She smiled back before moving to hug my mother. My breathing was a little hard as I watched them move to sit at the table. A table my mother had recently bought specifically for today. Whatever the outcome, there was to be a dinner held here at my house. Whether it be to celebrate or support me, my mother wanted everyone to come tonight. They would all be here soon...

       Tick. Tick. Tick.

       "I um... I'm gonna go change." My mothers' attention went to me quickly. She looked me over as if searching for some sign of danger. She smiled with a nod, pleased it seemed. I was already starting to back out of the kitchen towards the hall.

       "Don't take too long. Everyones almost here." I nodded, unable to speak again. Before she could say anything else, I was already heading to the stairs in the hall. My knees felt like they would buckle with each step I took up to my room. The doorbell rang, but I didn't want to be the one to answer the door. Whoever it was, it wasn't Jill or Dean. They knew when they were expected, the front door was always open for them. I hated thinking about who else it could be.

       I rushed up the stairs as I heard my mom make her way to the front door. I didn't want to see whoever it was. By the time she opened the door, I was already closing the door to my room. It took a lot of control to not slam it. It took even more control to not scream at the top of my lungs. I wanted to. I needed to.

         There were no clocks in here. No ticking. No horrible reminders. There was nothing but quiet. The silence, however... was not any better. As I reached behind me to take off my dress, I struggled to pull my zipper down. It was caught on something, but I couldn't see it. I tried looking over my shoulder to see the problem, but I couldn't. The more I struggled, the more my hands shook. The more I struggled, the faster my breathing got. The more I struggled, the more the feeling of being trapped came back.