Teachers Pet

19: Beautiful Disaster

        Walking home felt different today. I took different turns and longer ways to get to my house. Taking this time to think things through was best. The more I thought about my problems, the more I lost confidence in myself. When I turned a corner, I stopped and felt my heart throb painfully in my chest. I thought I would throw up. She stopped too.

       "Blair." Jillian was holding her phone in her hand with headphones on. She pulled them out and wrapped them around her phone. She stared at me, waiting for a scolding almost. Any other time, I would've yelled at her. But this was her path to go home, not mine. It was my fault for going this way. She smiled, though it hardly seemed happy. It looked as if she was going to cry. I couldn't take her crying.

       "Jill." It felt so normal being here, but the realization of what she did came back. It snapped at me like a rubber band. I swallowed back my nausea and shook my head at her. "I'm still not ready to talk. Not yet." I didn't want to give her hope that we would talk but seeing as how things went with Dean...

       "Okay." Her voice broke as she nodded. She pressed her lips together as she moved aside. We walked passed each other, feeling a coldness. It was hard to tell myself to not say anything to stop her. Jill was who I needed right now. I needed to tell her all of my problems. I needed to vent. She would help me. She was always there when I needed her. It just wasn't that simple anymore.

       As I continued to walk in no certain direction, a car pulled up next to me and honked. I looked at its tinted windows and narrowed my eyes. It was a navy blue impala I didn't recognize. The window rolled down, revealing someone I hadn't expected. Now really isn't the time...

       "Do you want a ride?" I thought about it, thinking of how far I've already walked and how far I still had to go because I went past my house a few miles ago. With a shrug, I nodded and got in. His car was warm and smelled new.

       "Car rides home? This is new." He sighed, turning down his radio. I hadn't told him where I lived, but he was headed somewhere.

       "I wanted to talk. If I had your number, I would've called you." If I was willing to give it to him, I would have. I was just nervous because my mom sometimes used my phone when she needed it. That wasn't something I was willing to share though.

       "What did you want to talk about?" Playing dumb was all I had right now. Jumping right into what was wrong made me dizzy. I'd been trying to figure all of this out on my walk, but I couldn't come to terms with anything. I felt like a cliche little girl who was dumb enough to get involved with her teacher. Of all the movies I had seen, portraying a teacher and student relationships... they were nothing more than lust. What about when they actually cared for each other? I didn't see age when I was with him. Neither did he. We only saw each other. This was wrong, but it didn't feel that way when it was just him and I.

       "We can talk when we get there."

       "Get where?" He turned the radio back up and drove without speaking. I could see he still looked bothered.

      "You'll see." I could see a crease between his eyebrows. He was stressing over something that was now worrying me. I tried to look away, but I couldn't. After a few minutes, he glanced at me from the corner of his eye. He sighed and smiled through his stress. I felt a little calmer when he reached over to hold my hand. I smiled back the best I could, preparing for whatever it was he wanted to talk about.

       When he turned onto a road I was not familiar with, I started to look out the window and try to see where we were. It appeared to be an abandoned drive-in theater. A giant torn screen hung not too far away. Vines and overgrown grass crowded around it. Speaker junction boxes, broken and rusted, were spread out. Some fallen over. Some removed from their post. An old shack that was caved in was on the far side. I imagined what the concession stand might've looked like before time caught up with it.