A DaVinci Co-Ed

These things are true. Sid is a dwarf. Arthur thinks he is the King of the Britons. Jesus did not marry Mary Magdalene. The royal bloodline, the Sang Raal, is from David through Jesus’ brothers to today. The Author is making some of this up but he’s not going to tell you which parts yet because he wants you to read ‘A DaVinci Co-Ed’. The last sentence is probably untrue.

CHAPTER ONE                                                                                                                                                    

“Is it true Dan Brown’s ‘Da Vinci Code’ is based on the earlier work of ‘The Holy Blood and the Holy Grail?” inquired Sid as he sat in Arthur’s office resting his feet on the desk.

“Allegedly,” replied Arthur.

“Well is it or isn’t it?”

“It looks like it is.”

“But that’s been debunked?”

“Allegedly.”

“What’s the matter with you saying ‘allegedly’ and ‘it looks like it is’ all the time?”

“I think this conversation is being recorded by someone from a secret organisation working for Dan Brown.”

“THE Dan Brown?”

“At least a Dan Brown.”

“So you don’t want to get sued by them by committing yourself?”

“Allegedly.”

“Well what’s the book going to be about then?”

“A parody of the ‘Da Vinci Code’?”

“How’s that going to work if the theory’s been de-bunked? Who by the way?”

“At least a Tony Robinson.”

“As far as I can remember he did a pretty good job of ripping it to shreds.”

“I used to believe in that,” interjected the Author.

Sid and Arthur looked at each other.

“More fool you then,” commented Sid.

“When the Da Vinci Code came out and I looked at the stuff behind it and at the Holy Blood and the Holy Grail again it made me doubt my faith for a second time. But when I had defeated the dark monster of despair (like the one in ‘Pilgrim’s Progress) I saw that there was a new addition to the appendix that talked of the Desposyni. The Desposyni follow their bloodline from King David, through Jesus’ younger brothers to today.”

“Riiiiight,” said Sid.

“Am I related to that bloodline?” asked Arthur.

“No Arthur.”

“How do you know?”

“All is revealed in the final book of the Arth Series.”

“Have you written that one yet?”

“It depends where you are in time really and if I decide this is the last book.”

“So no then, but by the end of this book you probably will have.”

“I already have some ideas as to where you came from.”

“Och, tell me,” oched Sid, “if I find out he’s just common I can deflate his pompousness.”

Arthur tried to change the subject so that his pompousness wouldn’t be deflated. (The Author originally misspelled it deflaled but couldn’t make a good joke of it.) “In the Da Vinci Code there’s an albino monk who is an Opus Dei member.”

“Ahh, well, in this book there is a 6’ invisible albino rabbit called Bunny Malone.”

“That sounds like a pookah to me, you know in the film Harvey. They thought Cary Grant was mad, and if you’re not careful, they will you too.”

“Bunny Malone is a genetically altered half-human half-white rabbit. She is from Raeth, the earth of the horror dimension, and uses a cloaking device to turn invisible.”

“So she is pretending to be a pookah then? Is she also an assassin working for Opus Dei?”

“No, she’s working for Opookah Dye.”

Sid interjected for the first time in this book, “Now that’s either a company making clothing dye or some kind of reject for a Star Wars character.”

“If I tell you too much to begin with then the readers won’t have the fun of trying to figure it out with you as they read it,” warned I.

“So what are we going to do now then?” asked Arthur.

I remained silent.

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