A DaVinci Co-Ed

Part 36

Just then, suddenly like, Sid and Biggs popped up.

“I see you’ve been having fun without us,” observed the dwarf called Sid.

“It’s smelly Arthur,” explained Alf, “he’s been attracting wolf men with his pungent odour.”

Arthur fizzed.

“Didn’t he bring his smell nullifier?” asked Biggs.

“How come you know about that?” inquired Arthur.

“It says it in the ‘Hazards of the Horror Dimension’ doesn’t it Sid?”

Sid nodded.

“I don’t believe it,” chuntered Arthur, “I’m smellier than a dwarf.”

“You just need to wash more,” grimaced Sid.

“Excuse me,” snapped Arthur, “I have a shower every morning and a wash every night.”

As he was saying this another wolf man bounded up to Arthur. Biggs stunned him. “It doesn’t matter, you’re still like a wallflower at a ball, you attract the wolves.”

Arthur ignored Biggs and instead looked at Sid, “What was this matter you wanted to talk to me about?”

“We know where Fawh is, we think.”

“Good, let us rescue him.”

“Er,” butted in Biggs, “we have a more pressing problem.”

“Your wild flowers aren’t getting flat enough in your family bible?”

“What?”

Sid explained, “He means you have a pressing problem i.e. your bible doesn’t press your flowers properly.”

Biggs sighed, “Carry on being funny Arthur until you stop existing.”

“Stop existing?” wittered Arthur.

“Yes,” commented Sid, “Bunny Malone is going back to the key event.”

“You mean the key cutters convention?” re-joked Arthur.

“We did that one in the last chapter,” rebuked Biggs, “keep up Arthur.”

“Sorry, I haven’t been reading my script. I have been making it up as I go along.”

“The key event is your birth,” explained Sid, “I did ask Biggs if we should let her do it but he did remind me that the whole of time could collapse if we didn’t stop it. Giflimbels.”

Arthur looked sternly at Sid, “What does Giflimbels mean?”

“Nothing, I just haven’t said anything funny for a few lines and Giflimbels is funny.”

“It would be funnier if it was a funny word and we knew what it meant and it was relevant to what you said,” said Biggs.

“I’ll make up a meaning and hit you with it later,” quipped Sid.

“Thanks,” thanked Biggs.

“Come on then,” exasperated Arthur, “let us get back to it.”

“Do you know when that was?” inquired Sid.

“Between 490 and 500 AD.”

“Day and month?”

“Do you know when you were born?”

“Yes 1996 in May when the Author made a spelling mistake.”

“My birthday is the 14th of June,” sort of remembered Arthur.

“Can’t you narrow the year down? Surely something else happened while you were alive that we can age you by?” thought Biggs.

“My battles?”

“They are notoriously hard to date. No, I mean do you remember anything that happened in Rome and what age you were?”

“No, nothing happened in Rome.”

“Hang on a minute,” thought Sid, “the 14th of June is the Author’s birthday.”

“Does he know when I was born?” wondered Arthur.

“No,” I replied.

“How come Bunny Malone does?”

“Try Tintagel, 490, June 14th.”

“I thought you said you didn’t know?” queried Arthur.

The Author kept quiet. They all twiddled the dials on their IWTs and pressed their buttons.

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