ERODA

~Chapter 41~

ANNABEL FLEMING

Nothing about any of this is okay.

I woke up in my bed this morning filled with nothing but regret. I absolutely cannot believe that I did that. I can't believe I broke that barrier.

I have been laying in my bed, staring at the ceiling, so humiliated and feeling remorse as last night's events replay in my mind like a broken record.

I don't know what got into me...I mean I know what got into me physically, but mentally I have no clue.

How could I let my human nature take over my common sense like that?

I know that I am supposed to make Harry fall in love with me and I know that it would seem that this is one step forward, but doing sexual things with him is not the way I need to be doing this. I'm not going to prostitute myself to freedom, I have more self-respect than that.

I just hope Harry doesn't think I'll be going around and doing things like that on a regular basis now.

God, I am a terrible person. What the actual fuck did I do? 

Letting this man who kidnapped me kiss me and touch me in ways that I don't even want to think about right now. Harry has done terrible, unspeakable things to me. And now I have created just another unspeakable thing to worry about, but this time it was me who caused it. I literally went to his bedroom door and practically begged him for it. How pathetic.

I thought I had more dignity than that.

I am also a terrible girlfriend. Todd is out there somewhere, scared or saddened by my disappearance. He probably has done everything in his power to try and find me, but here I am on an island, making out with my kidnapper and letting him give me an orgasm.

I hate myself right now.

As the thoughts swim through my mind, I can't think of anything except how disgusted with myself that I am right now.

I am so disgusted that I feel absolutely sick to my stomach. Bile is filling my throat and forcing its way up and before I know it, I am jumping up out of my bed, pushing the covers off of my legs and running towards the bathroom, throwing my head over the toilet as I throw up all of my regret from the night before.

I'm not puking from alcohol, I wasn't even drunk last night. I am just so sickened by the memories of what I let happen with Harry that it makes me physically sick.

That man is not good. He is the opposite of good. He is wicked, vile, evil, angry, but most of all he is manipulative. He knows how to work his audience and that is exactly what I let him do. I hate myself for that.

I wipe my mouth to rid any excess throw-up from my mouth, standing up and walking over to the sink. As I wash my hands with the rose-scented soap, I stare at my reflection seeing how pale I look.

Regret is not a good look on you, Anna.

I roll my eyes at myself wishing with everything in me that I had been drunk last night. Not so that Harry could've done what he did to take advantage of me, but more for the reason of forgetting everything that happened. Actually, if I'm going to wish for things, I wish I could go back in time so that it wouldn't happen at all.

I splash the cold water on my face, hoping it will distract me from the flashes of memories.

I know it is inevitable, the fact that I am going to have to see Harry and face the awkwardness of that situation soon, but I am definitely going to try and avoid that as long as I can. I don't want to deal with him teasing me about it or anything at the moment, I still need time to process it in my mind.