Heartlines

41: All This Time

I should have pulled away from him and let him have his shower, but his kiss sends me over the edge. Ben must feel the same because he pushes me against the bedroom wall and his hands run up and down my excited body. 

When he moves his hand under my skirt, he stops moving and glares at me. I blush knowing why he's looking at me the way he is. 

"Ally?"

"Um huh." I say in my throat.

"Where are your panties?" He snaps at me.

Biting my bottom lip, I look at him. "Um...I don't wear them anymore."

I take this moment of his shock to attack his pants again, he pulls away. Slowly, he backs away from me and starts undressing himself. He quickly pulls his shirt and coat off. I want to rip the under suit off him - I need to feel his skin. Lastly, the jeans slide down his body and I'm looking at a real-life Ken doll with no visible parts. 

He looks at me the entire time he removes the "fat suit". I start crying when I see the bullet proof vest underneath all the layers of disguise, I drop to my knees, and my hands cover my sobs. My body is shaking with how terrified I suddenly was of the truth. 

"Don't cry." 

Ben picks me up from the floor and carries me to the bed. He sits next to me in his vest and a tight pair of black boxer briefs. He is in the best shape of his life. All of his muscles are defined and even bigger. He's ripped. 

"How can I not cry? I'm scared seeing all of this." 

"This is all to keep you safe." He promises. 

Shaking my head at him, I frown. "Tell me how this is keeping me safe? You left me alone where anything could have happened. I have been so miserable the last two years."

"Just because I wasn't with you doesn't mean I left you alone. If I couldn't follow you, I made sure someone else at the force was there."

"Do you know how insane that sounds?"

"Yes, but you were safe and away from me. Away from everyone that wanted to find you. To me, that was the only thing that mattered...you safe."

"My heart was shattered into a million pieces. You took everything when you left." I cry.

He reaches out and grabs my hand, "but you were safe." 

"No, I wasn't. Your mom found me because she saw a photo of Alex and I together...long story short, she's in California clean and sober. What would you have done if I met someone? What if Chris and I started something tonight? What would you have done?"

His face twist with my words. "My mom...we'll come back to. If you would meet someone else or want to start something with fancy pants douchbag, I would let you go." He closes his eyes, and his jaw moves back and forth.

I jump from the bed and stand in front of him. "LIAR. You will never be able to let me go, just like I can't let you go. I don't want to be without you and if that means my life is cut short, then so be it."

He stands and grabs my shoulders, forcing me to look into those blue eyes I love so much. "I'm not okay with that. Can't I have a say?"

"You can, but why is your say more important than mine." I plea.

"I couldn't live without knowing you would be safe and alive. There is a giant price on my head, and they know taking you from me...would..." He can't finish his thought and he sits back down on the bed.

"I don't want to be without you. I can't function without you near me. You're the air that I need to breath. The reason my heart keeps going. When you left me, I lost all of that and I wanted to curl up and die." I inform him.