Heartlines

43: The Fighter

I find the bridal party getting ready to go back into hiding before Megan and Peter's guest arrive. I find an open chair furthest from the groomsman and pretend to enjoy the small girl talk taking place. Listening to the girls complain about their looks and weight bore me to death. I don't have any other options today, so I pretend that I hate what my hair is doing as well. 

"Excuse me. Can I steal Allyson for a second?" Ben interrupts the girl talk. 

I will never tell him how grateful I am for the break. 

"Please don't start anything." Megan begs her brother.

Ben puts his arms out defensively to show he's being nice. "Just five minutes of your time?" He asks looking at me. 

The heat from his eyes pull me up to him, and I grab his outstretched hand. He pulls me away from the group and pushes me into a dark, small bathroom. Turning on the light, he locks the door and spins to face me. He pushes me against the wall, his hands on the wall next to my head. Heat is radiating off his body. He brings his lips towards mine, but I turn my head. 

"You'll smear my lipstick." I tell him.

Moving his hands from the wall, he pushes my dress up to my waist. His pants are at his ankles in no time. He bends me over the sink and pushes into me. My moans echo in the tiny room, his large hand covers my mouth. When his fingers tease my nipples, I yelp in pain. He stops everything and turns me around to face him. 

I watch his eyes move up and down my body while I catch my breath and clear my mind. 

"What did I do?" He whispers. 

"Nothing. My nipples are just really sore." I tell him embarrassed. 

He kisses me sweetly on the neck and apologizes. 

"I didn't think protecting you would piss you off this much." 

"It doesn't it. I sort of like it, but I'm angry that it's not you. I don't need you to save me, I'm doing fine on my own." 

"It makes me feel better." 

"Exactly! Everything we do is to make YOU feel better. You don't take into consideration what I want or need from you. We play by YOUR rules and no one else." I pout. 

Frustrated, he covers my pout and starts for me again. "Stop talking." 

I pull my body away before he get enter. "No. I'm not doing this with you. I'm not someone you can fuck when it's convenient for you." 

He pulls his pants up and I gather myself. Ben is angry, but so am I. As much as I love him, I don't want to keep waiting for him. 

He puts his head against the wall and closes his eyes. I take a moment to remember this gorgeous face. 

"What do you want from me?" He doesn't open his eyes with his question.

"You. I want you. I need you to be with me or finally let me go. If you pick the latter of the two, I want you to call off your dogs. I don't want to be followed or stalked. We will never talk again because it will kill me. If you don't want to be with me, than I need to find someone that does."

Ben's isn't moving from the wall. I move close to him just to make sure he's still breathing. His eyes open and glare into mind. "So you are giving me an ultimatum?"

I nod and look at him. I don't trust my voice. 

"I can't be with until this over." 

Biting my bottom lip, I unlock the bathroom door and walk out. I don't look back, because I know I won't have the strength to not turn back again. I grab my phone from my pocket and play a game to keep my mind occupied.  

Megan's wedding planner walks into the room and tells us to start lining up with our partners. Ben walks over and reaches for my arm. I snap for him to not touch me, he turns around with a smart-ass comment of needing to. I loop my arm through his and feel nothing. 

His touch is like ice now. 

For the rest of the day, I shut down and go numb. While the other girls cry at the touching vows, I tell myself that these promises are bullshit. No one can promise to love each other until death - love is a joke. A cruel, painful joke. 

At the reception, I start drinking the minute I can. Lily and Edward both come up with smiling faces to greet me. I kiss and hug each of them, but I don't stand around too long. It's too painful to be near them. I love them like my own grandparents - another thing Ben took from me. 

I make friends with the bartender, he just starts handing me the bottle vodka. I'm trashed before dinner starts. 

I sit at the head table and eat through the touching best man speech. 

"Blah." I stick my tongue out when he finishes. 

Zoey stands to make her maid of honor speech, and I start laughing and can't stop. 

"Love is nothing but a waste of time." I shout at the end of the toast.

"Allyson?" Megan looks down the table at me with wide eyes. I'm not drunk enough to miss the look she gives to her brother. "Ben, take her outside to sober up." She whispers. 

Shaking my head, I stand up and take a bottle of champagne with me. "I don't need his help. He ruined my life. I was supposed to have this before you, but he just didn't love me enough." 

Lily hurries to me and I hug her. "I miss you. He took you away from me too. I didn't get a say in any of this. Just poof. Gone. All of you." I slur. 

"Benjamin." Lily looks up at her grandson. 

He stands and tosses me over his shoulder. Ben carries me out of the ballroom and into the lobby of the Brooklyn hotel. I punch at his lower back, and he sets me on my feet. I somehow manage to get my heels off and start walking towards the entrance of the hotel. 

I need fresh air. 

I feel him following me. Turning around, I warn him to let me go. He made the choice for us, and now I was going to do my best in honoring that for him. He stops walking, I turn up the sidewalk and find a ledge to sit on. 

The silence is exactly what I need. 

I put my face on the cold slab. 

That is the last thing I remember. 

Burning sunlight, and a pounding headache is the cause for me to open my eyes the following morning. Slowly, the blurry images in the room become clear. I'm still wearing my bridesmaid dress and millions of bobby pins in my hair. My throat is dry, I need water. 

The image sitting in the chair at the foot of my bed starts waving to me with a cheesy grin. 

"Sounds like you were the talk of the wedding."

Chris is extending a giant cup from Starbucks to me. Sitting up in the bed, I reach for the cup and look at him stupefied. 

"Wasn't my finest moment." 

He shakes his head and explains that I texted him in the middle of the night and asked him to come to the hotel because I was scared of someone breaking into my room. Chris laughs when he tells me about getting to my door and seeing a larger-than-life wild man pacing a hole into the carpet outside my door. 

"He's my stalker." I mumble.

"Stalker or not, he was pretty upset. He knew who I was, let me into your room and vanished. What the hell happened?"

"He told me that he didn't want me." I cry. 

"Are you sure you heard him right? Who I met last night didn't seem like someone that didn't want you." His dimples distract me. 

"You're adorable when you are trying to be helpful."

"Not going to work. Do you love this guy?"

I glare at Chris over my coffee cup. He already knows the answer and I'm not about to admit it. Once I finish my coffee, he takes my empty cup, and very politely tells me to get into the shower. Blushing, I slowly make my way to the bathroom with fresh clothing.