Heartlines

36: Love Runs Out

I look at his nightstand and start crying all over again. In the middle of his table I stare at the watch, his ring, and all the credit cards that are attached to my account with his name. Reaching across the bed, I pick up the jewelry and wrap the watch around my slim wrist. His ring is much too big for my fingers, so I slide it on my thumb and keep my fist locked around it tight. 

I stay this way for two straight days until I can manage to move from our bed. I find a pair of his boxers and a t-shirt that smell like him. I wrap my arms around the shirt tighter like it's him. I bury my nose in the collar and cry. I miss him so much. 

After an hour, I walk to our closet and grab my suitcases. Removing my clothing from the hanger, I start folding them and placing them in the suitcases. I pack all my belongings and do what he asks me. I take only my clothing, picture frames, our key bowl, and other items I can't replace. I will sell the apartment with all the furniture - starting fresh is the only way to move on. 

The car service helps me pack all my suitcases and the few boxes into the trunk of the car. I check into a hotel until I can find a new place. I don't bother unpacking because I know this stay is only temporary. 

A week later, I rent an apartment near Columbia University. Ben would have been proud of me, I pick a building with the best security. My lawyer, George works with the school to have my name removed from the student listings, program listings, any photos I may be in. I was marked confidential for my safety. My apartment was listed under George's name. 

My life without Ben is lonely. 

I hate every single morning I wake up without him next to me. The bed was cold and empty. The apartment was sterile with no personal items displayed. 

I'm a human robot following the same schedule daily. Get up, eat breakfast, stay at school until the sun starts setting, taking the car service home to an empty apartment, dinner, shower, and bed. 

The knock on my apartment door makes me jump. I tiptoe to the peek hole and feel a flood of relief when I see Alex on the other side. Opening the door, he pushes himself in quickly and locks the door behind him. 

"Ally?" He looks at my haggard appearance. 

Hurrying into his open arms, I sob my heart out. 

"Kiddo, you know that he is trying to do the right thing in his eyes. The only reason he could leave was to keep you safe. This is killing him just as much as you." He kisses the top of my head. 

I pull away to look at Alex. I narrow my eyes and he realize his confession. "You talk to him?"

"He wants to know how you are. I'm the middleman." 

Rolling my eyes, I glare at him and walk towards the couch. "I'm so tired of everyone treating me like a fragile flower. I knew what I was getting into. All the risk is worth it to me, but no one cares to hear my opinion." 

"You are a stubborn person to a fault. What do you want him to do? Get you killed?"

"What's the difference, I already feel dead."

The look on Alex's face breaks whatever I have left to break. Bringing my hands to my face, I fall apart again. I feel his arms wrap around me and I snuggle into his warm chest. I cry until I'm empty.