Clear | Sirius Black

Fourteen

Order of The Phoenix

Monroe

It had been a few weeks since we returned to school and a lot has changed. Everyone now saw Lily and James together, but also you saw Sirius and I never around each other anymore. I no longer walk into the Great Hall with his arm around me, or in our matching leather jackets and combat boots.

Lily and Marlene forced me to still come to meals and wouldn't allow me to push them away. Remus was as nice as ever and gave me my space, but still did homework with me. Peter was nice as well, but still seemed to hardly be around anymore. James was the only one who wouldn't accept the fact that Sirius and I needed time apart.

Lily would have to push him out of the common room anytime he saw Sirius and I sitting on separate couches, because James would start yelling that we needed to talk to each other again. Sirius and I would look up, but never meet each other's eyes.

The same thing is happening right now. I was sitting at my new seat at the Gryffindor table. James in between Sirius and Lily. Remus across from Sirius and Peter across from James. Marlene was across from Lily, and I was seated beside Lily.

Normally I was between James and Sirius, then Lily and Marlene on the other side with Remus and Peter. Everything felt out of order and I hated it. Not because I love order, but because I hated not being beside Sirius.

I picked at my food with my fork and Lily started to notice it. She looked at Marlene and they exchanged a look. Then they turned their heads to Sirius who was doing the same thing. Both of us not feeling anything without the other.

Lily placed a hand over mine, but I took my hand away. I didn't feel like having any affection right now. I just wanted breakfast to be over and then get all of my classes over with. Sirius and I made the mistake by sitting beside each other in every class. We aren't allowed to change our seats this far in the year.

Sitting beside him was the worst out of everything. I wanted to say more to him besides, "Can you pass me this?" "Thanks." "Can you chop this up?" "Oh she said this" We can't even look at each other when talking.

Being beside him in every class really made me see how much I did miss him, but I wasn't ready to talk to him yet. He was the one to not pursue me yet, but I tore down our whole friendship over nothing. I needed to forgive myself, before going to him.

"Hey, Monroe-" Lily began, but stopped when she saw Regulus Black, Carter Avery, and Ace Rosier coming towards leaning backwards from their bench at the Slytherin table. She wasn't the biggest fan of my new additions to my life.

Regulus and I both were trying to stay on the calm side with the deatheater's kids, just in case they were one as well. I was trying to be friendly to them, so it would show that I wasn't friends with Sirius and they would leave him out of everything.

Ace tapped me on the shoulder. He and I were the closest, besides Reggie and I. He was calmer than Carter and reminded me a lot of Remus, but as a Slytheirn. He was the most open one when I started to hang out with them.

"Hey Rowie, are you about ready to walk to classes? Regulus is walking with his friends in a few minutes, so Avery and I were about to head to potions." Ace asked me in a soft tone.

I heard a few forks drop from the table hearing Ace call me "Rowie." It was the name Sirius had always called me growing up and was my name when the Marauders all got their nicknames. I had told them that only my best friends were allowed to call me that.

I picked up my book bag and a few books that wouldn't fit in the bag and slung my legs over the bench. I looked down at my feet and saw heeled boots. I missed wearing combat boots so much and the leather jacket instead of my robes.