The Pseudocide of the Moon - Complete

Olivia

To say I was disappointed was an understatement.

When Chris took me home after our date he didn't say anything. The whole car ride home was silent, but this time it was uncomfortable. He had a stern look on his face, like he was thinking, like he was frustrated.

When he pulled up to my place he didn't say anything. I sat there for a moment or two just to see if he was still thinking. But no. He didn't say anything. So I left. I didn't say anything either, I just left.

It's been four days since our date and I haven't heard from him. I've been to scared to reach out, but this morning I texted him saying hi and I was hoping that he was okay.

I wasn't surprised that by this afternoon he still hadn't replied. So I left it be.

I was confused because he had spent all this time waiting for me. He was waiting to ask me out, just to find out we had an age difference and he gave up. Just like that. It was a little sad. And I wanted to see him.

Despite there being an age difference, I couldn't really tell. We always had great time together. We had great conversations, and I was never bored when I was with him. And for being forty he was an absolute blast. He joked around a lot, and was just really silly. I liked that about him...

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It's been 12 days since I last saw Chris, and I was seriously disappointed. When I finally found someone to open up to, they left. I was finally opening up to the idea that I can have friends. That I can have a relationship (potentially) but now it's all crashing down.

Once again I'm alone.

And I'll probably end up talking about this at therapy tomorrow. Matt was so happy with the progress that I was making. He'll probably encourage me to do some sort of group counseling to "find friends" and people I have "things in common with".

I doubt I could find friends that would understand what I have gone through, and the profession that I am in now. But I guess I just have to learn to move on. And hope that I don't end up alone.

I had the evening shift this week because I was covering for someone. So as much as I hated coming in late I had to.

It was surprisingly a busy night and we had a few traumas come in. It got overwhelming for about three hours, but it finally calmed down towards the end of my shift at 7am. I had about half an hour left when someone paged me to the front desk.

I ran over thinking it was an incoming trauma, but when I look around it's practically empty.

"You paged?"

"Yeah I had someone come in and ask for you..."

I look around and lock eyes with a familiar pair of blue eyes.

He gets up from his seat and I make my way over to him.

"What are you doing here?"

His face was sullen, even with his face mask on I could tell how tired he was.

"I need to talk to you."

"I can't right now."

"Okay, when do you get off work?"

"In an hour," I lied.

"Alright, I'll wait for you here then."

I raised an eyebrow at him and let out a tired breath, "Suit yourself."

I walked away confused to say the least. Yes I wanted to see him. Yes I kind of missed him. Okay I really missed him, but that didn't mean I was going to throw myself on him the moment I saw him. He needed to explain himself. I was not interested in playing games. I wanted to get to know him, sure I wanted to take things slow, but I just wanted him to be honest with me.

Although I managed to keep myself busy for the next hour, my mind wasn't all there. I kept thinking about how Chris was in the lobby waiting for me. I kept thinking about what he would say to me.

I was scared he was going to push me away for good.

After the hour was up I changed and went back to the lobby where Chris still was.

"Hey," he let out.

"Hi."

"So do you want to go somewhere and talk or should we...?"

"Let's just go to the café around the corner. It's not far."

He nodded and followed behind as I made my way around.

"Do you want some coffee?"

"I'm good. Um... I'll go find us a seat."

"Alright."

Andi was at the register so she just gave me a nod and went off to make me my drink.

I then went and sat across from Chris. I let out a tired pant, my feet are killing me.

"Long night?"

"Yeah, it was a bit chaotic. But I guess everyday here is."

"Mhm..."

"So," we both say at the same time.

Chris' looks like he wants to smile but instead says, "Go ahead."

"No you first. You wanted to talk."

"Right. Okay, well... I'm just going to start off and say I'm sorry. I guess I just panicked, and I didn't know how to deal with it."

"Okay..."

He rubbed the back of his neck and looked down at his feet.

"Also it was childish of me to ignore you, I'm sorry."

"It would have been nice to know what you were thinking about. I would have liked to know what your concerns were..." I said softly as I tried to look at him. He still had his head down and he looked visibly upset, even with his mask still on.

"I should have talked to you. I just didn't know what to do. You're only 23, and I'm already 40. I'm probably closer to your parents age. Doesn't that bother you?"

"No. I knew your age. It wasn't a concern for me."

"How did you- Oh right my chart."

"Yeah... Look Chris if that really would have bothered me I wouldn't have agreed to go out with you in the first place."

He nodded. He took his mask off and looked up at me, "I really like you." He let out, like it was some big secret he was hiding.

"And I like you too," I grinned at him.

"Even after I ghosted you?"

"Well you did loose some brownie points there, but yes. I still like you."

He smiled and looked up at me through his lashes, "Thanks. For not giving up on me."

"I've had a great time with you Chris."

He blushed and kept smiling, "So if you don't mind dating an old man, then I'd really love to take you out on another date."

I laugh, "Christopher, you're not an old man."

"If you say so," he says in a sing-songy voice.

We both laugh and I go to drink my latte.

"And yeah I'd love to go out with you again."

He grinned and whisper yelled, "Yes!"

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Aww they're gonna go out again! They're so cute!

I'm really hoping they get their act together and stay together.

Beijos