The Pseudocide of the Moon - Complete

Chris

After I trashed my living room, I went to sleep. It had been a long time since I had done that and I was doing so well. So when I woke up this morning to the mess I made, I was already tired.

"Come on Chris, you were doing so well," I groaned to myself as I started picking up the pillows, and the lamp on the floor.

The lightbulb must have shattered because my hand starts bleeding. I look down and see the blood pooling out the palm of my hand.

"Sh-" I run to the kitchen and let the water run over my hand.

I pull out the glass and bandage it up.

Once I'm all bandaged up I go back to the living room and make sure it's clean. I should probably make an appointment with my therapist today.

I make myself some breakfast and stare out the window.

The food doesn't taste like anything. The world has lost a lot of it's vibrancy since she died. I wonder if taste, and color will come back. I wonder if I'll be happy again one day...

What I said last night to Jimmy was true. I don't think I'll find love again. No one compares to Liv, she's quite literally one in a million. She made me happy, she made me more excited for life. I know I had a life before her, but after having her? No, I can't just move on. She was the light on a dark night, she made everything better. And I missed her.

I groan and clean up my plate instead of finishing it.

My phone rings on the counter and I see Scott's name pop up.

"Hey."

"Hey, how are you doing?"

"I'm alright."

"I call bs. I saw the show last night, and maybe people didn't notice because they don't know you like I do, but you looked like you we're about to throw a lamp at the wall."

"Uh... Well..."

"No- Chris! I- This is why I took you to Donovan! And didn't you have a bag installed in your gym?"

"Yeah I did, but-"

"Chris-" he lets out a deep breath, "Are you okay? Really?"

"I'm alright now. I just feel tired."

"Tired... Okay."

"I'm tired of feeling like this. I'm tired of not having her with me. I'm tired of missing her when I know I can't get her back. I just wish I could feel normal. I wish I could sleep without hearing her voice. I just- I miss her so much," my voice cracks and I pinch the bridge of my nose.

"Chris. It's a work in progress. It's gonna take time for you to find a new normal. And honestly you'll probably always miss her, but that's not necessarily a bad thing. One day it won't be a painful memory."

"I- I know. I just wish it didn't have to hurt this much."

"I'm sorry..."

There's a silence and some shuffling and he adds, "Why don't I go over and we can do something together?"

"No it's okay. I'm just gonna do a quick workout and I'll see if I can get in to see my therapist today."

"Oh okay, yeah that sounds like a good idea."

"Alright, well thanks Scott. I'll see ya."

"Alright, bye Chris."

I go downstairs to the gym in my basement and I put my gloves on.

Ever since I started training with Donovan I had a punching bag set up in my gym. I work on it while I'm at home, and I probably should have been punching that last night instead of throwing furniture around.